7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
So says Paul: writer of several letters to the indignant church of Corinth. In his reflection he has been beaten and shipwrecked to give background to his comments here. I should say now that I have been neither beaten nor shipwrecked.
I have had a tricky month though. I can't quite explain what happened, for reasons of not wanting to tittle-tattle, but also not really knowing what happened.
All I can really say is that I lost confidence. I couldn't quite haul myself up off the canvas. Doubt and paranoia have been nibbling at my edges. Its been a bit grotty.
But I hope that I have begun to get up. The image in my head is that of a boxer who was caught off guard. A weak haymaker toppled them to the floor and now they are on the canvas. They are not knocked out but are a bit confused and ashamed. It was a weak shot that just caught them at an off balance moment. They can fight on, but there is a mental challenge now of being on the floor..
As you watch the scene at the count of three or four they get up from the floor, aided by the ropes.. and then they turn to the ref and indicate that they can box on.
Thats where I am. I can box on. The challenge is to get back into the fight rather than running from fear that I might get caught again. The challenge is to forget that canvas moment and fight on. A time out will come to process the down but that is not now!