Each year I find that Easter hits me in a different way. There have been years where I have felt the wrecking devastation of Good Friday. There have been others where I have risen on Easter Sunday dawn with resurrection hope.
This year I navigated my way through Good Friday without too much grief (its a different deal when you are leading services all through). But today, this Holy Saturday, I am struck by the betrayal that pervades the Easter story.
Its been an interesting lead up to Easter for me. And so in many ways I guess its inevitable that the characters of Peter and Judas are taking centre stage in my Easter Reflection.
My head is a bit fuggy so this may not come out clearly.
BUT: I feel the betrayal. That sense that sometimes people who have sworn loyalty and help, let you down. That the very people you want with you in the darkest hours have all run away.
And that strangely in that the people who are around you at your lowest point are perhaps the ones that you have been harsh with, dismissed or given up on. John's gospel has Jesus' mother at the cross, along with some other women, the young disciple John and two comparative strangers.
I'm struck that as followers of Jesus we seek to emulate the Peter's of the world, but when push comes to shove its Mary, the wife of Clopas (?!) who stays with Jesus. As a leader I wonder if I have placed too much trust in the obvious ones; Peter or Thomas or Judas types.. but actually the loyal followers, the tellers of good news are actually the annoying mother types (remember Jesus at Cana) or the young clingy ones.
And I'm struck also by my fickle nature: my promises of loyalty followed by moments of denial.
I'm in need of a moment over breakfast on a beach, or with the risen saviour in a garden. Humble me Lord.