Coming back from holiday is always a funny one. I think I always experience a bit of discontent, and this week has been no exception. I have come back to long run of meetings (I think I have on night off other than days off in the next three weeks). I'm not moaning about being busy, but I am beginning to get angsty about how much mission is getting missed because I am in those meetings.
Meetings drag me to the centre. They force compromise. They are generally about things that are already established. They often focus on problems and details and things which in my head are not important enough to worry about. They make me wonder if we can do anything. They are often an escape for when we have lost our courage: rather than just getting on with something, we have a meeting.
I feel myself tempted by the meetings culture: that under the guise of 'settling in' I will attend everything and never do anything.
I want to stay edgy. I want to stay missional. I want to stay focused on seeing the Kingdom come in this estate, and serving my congregations.
I know that it will be hard to stay out on that edge. I pray for grace to do it.
I hope it pans out. At the moment I just feel a bit careworn and grumpy.