How To Win Eurovision!

Please bear in mind that I chose Mean Girls over Eurovision as my essay writing companion so I have nothing to say about the music!

So my winning tips are:

1- oppress several small states for about 40 years and then as your economy collapses allow them independence. They will be grateful in about 20 years and will vote for you. (GB be aware that colonising Africa was a bad move in this front.. and many others!)

2- Own all the oil.. and the pipelines. Then people who rely on you to be able to light their dark little homes will vote for you. (GB, that little puddle of gas we guard in the North Sea is not enough!)

3- Leave the keys lying around for your incredibly large defunct nuclear arsenal. Nearby countries will vote for you so renegade terror groups will not explode things in your country. (GB.. I don't recommend this, there are limits to trying to win)

4- Sing in English (frankly GB should get points for all teh people who steal our language!)

5- Half take your shirt off (the old tricks are the best)..

Right.. they are now playing the song.. I should go..

Comments

Who will rid me of this meddlesome...

... piano? It occurred to me yesterday as i nursed ANOTHER bruise on my arm.. that I have had a piano sat in my hallway for 2 months! It seemed like such a good idea at the time but apparently is not... its stuck there and everytime I walk down my hall I have to squeeze past the darn thing- often not successfully! A number of options lie before me: -chop the thing into several hundred pieces -find lots of people who want to move it.. to where I'm not sure -sell it -give it away -pray it away It goes next weekend.. even if it kills me... which it might.. hummm

Remembering What I Enjoy..

Occasionally I forget things. Some stuff like birthdays, names and stuff is a normal human thing, and I don't sweat it so much. But I also forget some other stuff which is not so good. I forget what I enjoy. I don't know how it happens but it does from time to time. And its at these moments that I need a bit of help remembering. So- this is a request for help. What do I enjoy doing? What gives me joy? Leave me a comment.

A Broadside: plot spoiler for Tory sympathisers

Today some alarming social equality data was released. It said what we all know: if you are poor, you have less opportunities in life. For every £100 a month less income than the median you start school one month behind developmentally. Your vocabulary aged 5 is half what it is for a rich kid if you are in the bottom ten percent of income. Housing tenure stats are even worse. "Only 4 per cent of those of working age living in social housing have degrees, and nearly half have no or only low qualifications. Only half of men and 42 per cent of women of working age living in social housing are in paid work, compared with 89 per cent of men and 81 per cent of women in households with a mortgage." Social housing: by its nature, is grouped (london people ignore this, you are the freaks not the norm). That means that we have allowed ghettoes of poverty and low attainment (not just in a SATS way either). Now it would be easy, and some daft Tory has already done it, to pin this on

Jude Smith

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