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How To Win Eurovision!

Please bear in mind that I chose Mean Girls over Eurovision as my essay writing companion so I have nothing to say about the music!

So my winning tips are:

1- oppress several small states for about 40 years and then as your economy collapses allow them independence. They will be grateful in about 20 years and will vote for you. (GB be aware that colonising Africa was a bad move in this front.. and many others!)

2- Own all the oil.. and the pipelines. Then people who rely on you to be able to light their dark little homes will vote for you. (GB, that little puddle of gas we guard in the North Sea is not enough!)

3- Leave the keys lying around for your incredibly large defunct nuclear arsenal. Nearby countries will vote for you so renegade terror groups will not explode things in your country. (GB.. I don't recommend this, there are limits to trying to win)

4- Sing in English (frankly GB should get points for all teh people who steal our language!)

5- Half take your shirt off (the old tricks are the best)..

Right.. they are now playing the song.. I should go..

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