Sunday, December 30, 2007

Dangerous combinations..

Gas leaks and sparks
Britney and razors
Sam Fox and Brit awards (retro I know but still true)
Jeff P and candles
Too much West Wing and too much time..

Yeah I just rewatched series seven. In about four days. I am therefore dissatisfied (its like indigestion but with your whole life). I have this ongoing inner conflict. The first shall be last and the last first and all that but I so very much want to leave this life having made a difference. Changing the course of human history. For the good, if at all possible. Though very aware that it is so much easier to change it for the worse. There is a drive in me that so very much desires to see this world be the better self that I know it can be!

So at the end of it all I have to once again make my peace with not being CJ Cregg (reassuringly tall to quote herself). I once again have to go back to that place of understanding that the kingdom doesn't work like that. And I somehow have to trust that all the crazy, tiny, seemingly tinpot stuff that I find myself doing can somehow be invested with enough grace and care and love and God; and be divested of so much of the grabbing ambitious me, that they will at some point add up to even a hint at well done good and faithful servant (that was a very long sentence, sorry to those who read aloud!)

Rant nearing end..

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Bless you!