Thursday, March 16, 2006

hanging on the telephone...

Well. I'm sat here at a mouse powered PC in my office ala boiler room. I journeyed into the Apple Store today to see how my baby is doing- but they couldn't let me see her. They just said they are still running tests and WILL phone me to tell me whats going on. And so I'm sat here waiting by the phone. There is a bit of me that just wants to splash out on a new one.. but no.. I will be patient and wait.

I need to confess that the lack of laptop is having a VERY detrimental effect on me. I hadn't clocked just how reliant I am on it. It has all my documents and email and everything- I feel a bit like a part of me has been cut off.

Its a bit of a reflection of my wider week. It feels like lots of stuff is being stripped away just now: like God's taking me back to basics and going, Jude Smith- I love you. Thats it.. nothing more, nothing less.. what are you going to do about it?

Like with my laptop I'm squirming. I want to get a new something.. people to distract, jobs to do.. but God's asking me to sit by the phone and wait. To listen to see how I'm doing, whats broken and what might fix it. Its a scary time. It feels vulnerable. About 65% of me doesn't want to sit under it. But the 35% is very wisely reminding me that he works ALL things for good.

A part of me expects there to be an ironic conclusion to all this- that as I realise that God is enough (I hope more than enough.. I'm a bit fed up with just enough.. ) I'll also have my lovely ibook restored to me.. ready to record and assist in the next adventure.

In the meantime I'll just wait..


Liz said...

Oh, Jude :o(

Recently, I've had more and more dreams in which something happens to my laptop, and I'm always devastated.

One of the hinges broke last week, and I screamed.

It's so easy to be dependent on them, isn't it :o(

Very very sorry...

Steveybabe said...

My computer died once and it took ages to get sorted (even for an IT guy). Felt very restricted in what I could do, but also very liberating! A strange concoction of emotions but great for getting back to the basics.