Jude Smith

Today was a sad day as I waved farewell to Hannibal and Napolean. No, not an histioric reference, but the two goldfish who have been in my care since November. (I feel obliged at this point to say that they didn't die, Michael has taken them back). Despite my frequent fear that I am in fact a terrible mother, they have survived quite well and even look a tad pregnant (which does make the names a bit odd, but hey.. ) So farewell fellas

Yay... its my last day of school before easter. This is a good thing.. Lie ins, no shouting, having to carry fewer things... Have realised (but less tired so can now think).. that I have NO attention span.. I can't do one thing at a time any more (with the possible exception of a film at the cinema)... This is scary.. hmmm.. maybe I secretly have ADHD?

I woke this morning to news of another school shooting the US. Undoubtedly there will be a lot of debate about guns and teenagers. I'm not sure that debate will change anything. But I think there is another debate: this shooting has taken place on an "indian reservation", a set aside "home" for Native Americans. Reservations, as far as I can work out, are some of the most soul destroying places on the planet. Already this morning, I'm hearing patronising reports calling the community response "pathetic" (in its most paternalistic sense). Already, it seems that the injured are being flown 150 miles from their community for treatment. This is a tragedy- its also a tragedy of how we as Europeans have treated indegenous peoples all over the world.

I'm tired. Not just a bit sleepy, but proper proper tired. It has a number of weird effects on me that are just not good. Some are funny: Going to put milk on my toast, forgetting things, not being able to get sentences out straight (i ended up nearly calling a student a bit of rough this morning.. bad on a number of levels). Others are frustrating: always feeling a bit not there, not being able to think straight/ quickly, being a bit grumpy. And others still are just not on: I always am much less able to deal with my addictive personality, I'm more insecure, less loving.. Why am I telling you this? Maybe to warn you if you are hanging out in the next few days. Maybe to get it off my chest (that is such a weird phrase), maybe to will myself to do something about it...

We do this unit with year seven about what does a church look like. One of the students came up with this. I'm not entirely sure that she knew exactly what a statement she was making; but seeing this has really made me think. How often do we actually live like God is in our hands? We treat him like he is there to satiate our every need. We pray like if we just tweak the right God butons he will act. We command him to endorse our strategies. We hide him in our pockets when we don't want others to see him. We restrict him to helping our souls and our wallets. We occasionally let him out of his cage like a pet rat, but we always put him back. We talk to him like our invisible friend, who disappears in the presence of real people. Lord, I'm sorry where I've put you in my hands. Would you forgive me and put me back in your hands? I yield.

... if they were true! Sat watching Fame Academy last night, I had a sudden realisation: not about Fame Academy; though I did realise that I had watched about five hours of it on Interactive in the preceding twenty four hours. No, my realisation was that somehow I had come to believe that the fairtrade chocolate I was choffing had less calories than normal chocolate! How very bizarre! By the same measure that should mean that its also true that: broken biscuits leak calories, I am a size 12 in ethically made clothing, eating chocolate after going to the gym doesn't count (if in the first four hours after exercise). And, Mister Right always rides up to your front door on a white horse. I amaze myself at how self deluded I can be!

Best news of the weekend was that Michael has gotten himself into medical school. This is very exciting!! It also prompted some very amusing google searching. Here are two very contrasting (and hugely innaccurate) views of Mr Holland! The best bit is that this was found on a gay music site! Genius!

I have been lured... I'm sitting in the little cinemaesque bit of the apple store, trying to look like an apple geek whilst replying to a bunch of emails and writing a teaching session on gender and sexuality! Bless apple for providing a free wireless connection in the very middle of London.. Now if they just had a printer.....

Somehow I think my recollection of French may have failed me just now but never mind. The point is this. Its snowing. Again. I have break duty. I may die. If this is my last post, then bless you all, it was fun.. and dying from a snowball applied to the inner ear isn't such a bad way to go!