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OK, so this healing thing hurts more than I dared to imagine. The first few days of wallowing in post operative whatever have worn off, I can see my throat healing, but man it hurts.

And so early on Sunday morning as I wait for the drugs to kick in it has gotten me to thinking. Someone earlier on the week (possibly one of the vomiting ladies from hospital) said that pain has a reason, and I’m inclined to agree; probably in both a physical and emotional sense.

Some observations.

Without pain we get an exaggerated sense of our own ability. I was pretty drugged up on Friday- in much less pain. In my head that meant that I was ready to take on chicken in black bean sauce (with chilli- does it always come with chilli?) I went a bridge too far.

Pain increases when healing starts. I don’t understand this physiologically, wish it didn’t happen just now, but it does. Same is true when we begin to work out our stuff, I guess the rawness of places causes an increase of pain. The temptation is to not move to that place of healing. At the minute it would hurt so much less to not swallow (particularly food), but I have to go through that if a) I’m going to heal quicker, b) I’m not going to get infected and c) I’m not going to starve.

That said- when in pain we sometimes have to go back to the baby stuff. The Bible talks about the progression of spiritual food from milk to meat- I think sometimes when in pain we need to go back to the milk stage, just temporarily.

Pain brings us back to our childhood, to our infancy, and in it, it can bring us to a unique place before God. Right now I don’t want intelligent conversation, wit or charm. I don’t want cool presents to amuse me. I want to be held, for someone to warm my ears up; my best present is a hot water bottle (thanks Lu). In relating to God I don’t want to prophecy, be used mightily or lead anything. I want to sit with my Father, be held and have my ears warmed up.

That won’t last forever but what a great opportunity to crawl into the place of intimacy.

Pain is temporary- there’s loads of Bible stuff that talks about the pain of childbirth being worth it when you see the baby. All my friends with children say the same. I think the same has to be true of our emotional pain.

Pain sucks- it is hear because of the fallenness of our world. I look forward to the day when there is no more pain. But in the mean time I guess I will embrace all it has to offer, not seeking it but dealing with it when it comes.


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