Jude Smith

I posted just a couple of weeks ago about 39 steps before I am 40. And I have to say that its going alright thus far- and without wanting to sound too cheesy there is a real sense that God is at work in some of these things: some examples follow. I sat with a potential piano teacher who has pointed me to some really beautiful worship music. Lessons start in a couple of weeks where I will learn to play by ear (over time and with practice). I'm booked in to teach at a university. I have a friend who is going to teach me to mix curry spices in a couple of weeks. I've done something that scares me (which may or may not have been the same as going on a date). Other things are harder to get going: I am struggling to be social media free. I have drafted a letter and not sent it. And it keeps snowing so I am a bit behind on my travel! But I'm enjoying it.. and do send suggestions for other things my way!

Over the last few weeks I have been pondering what I should give up and take up for Lent. It has finally crystallized today. There is a lots going on for me just now- but I can't use that as an excuse. I can be desperately inattentive- I can be thinking about what is next or has just been, and can be texting, tweeting or anything while I am actually present with real people. So- my Lent resolve is to be where I am. I am giving up multitasking. So when I am with you I will be with you, not on something else. It will mean giving up some habits, it will mean my phone battery lasts longer- But I hope it means I will be where I am.. I look forward to seeing you there.

At the end of my last post I prayed, show me Lord how to fight. I meant it. As I tapped away at my keyboard last night, with every comma and alliterative device I was aware that I was putting my head above an enormous and intimidating parapet. For much as I talk of fighting, I have little energy, fewer ideas and not much will. I feel hypocritical and exposed. However, as some of you will know, during my curacy I have lost almost six stone in weight. At the start of that journey too I had little idea of what I was doing and very little will power. But going public with my intention helped. Keeping a record of what I was doing also helped. And so in that spirit, here is a record of how I have learned to fight today. It ran like this- for the first time in nine months I didn't have a communion at lunchtime to head off to after morning prayers. It freed up a two hour window where I had a choice. And for once I chose to get out from behind my desk and go and see people.

(Wrote this late last night- and I still think it this morning so I share with you). Today I changed a little bit of postcard artwork in my house. It now has an amusing vicar card on it with a greeting from a friend. I have a card on that particular door because underneath it bears the fist mark of my frustration. A mere six hours before I reached resolution on a really tough moment in my curacy, I lost it. At the door. When I move I will offer recompense for the damage- or perhaps suggest that they keep it in that state as a warning to future curates. Why am I telling you this? Well fighting inanimate things is somewhat of an occupational hazard in the church. I listened today to an interview with Justin Welby where he again and again was trying to say that there are issues more important than the ones we tie ourselves in knots about. I listened to that interview on the way home from the gym- pulling up on the drive to find the used needle van parked up. As I came into t