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Scared...

Think that just about sums up where I am at at the moment. Panic not- its in a good way.

Without going into all the detail I'm about to embark on a mahusive adventure with God. I start a new job doing some cool prayer stuff in the City (why do people keep asking me which city?) in January. Its fantastic and God has totally shown himself in the whole process (which will be blogged in due course), but its just a bit scary.

This thing has God so all over it that as far as I can work out I can ONLY get it wrong. I can only cock it up.. Its really revealing my humanity to me: I feel utterly inadequate.

On the one hand I know that it puts in good company, Moses, Abraham, Sarah, Esther, David, Gideon, Peter, Paul, Mary (te he)... (and thats just the canonical ones)

On the other hand, well it makes me want to run away.

Today I've become aware that it puts me in a place of immense trust, yeah of God, but also of my new friends, co-workers, bosses, fellow pilgrims (sorry to steal Mr T)..

At the risk of sounding like a teenager: somehow this song feels appropriate...

Turn on the spotlight, strike up the band
Everyone's looking my way They came to see the excitement firsthand
And hear all that I've got to say

Oh, it makes me wonder What if I slip, will they catch me
Or watch me fall?

I am walking on a wire
I tiptoe in through the fire
Never looking down to see that
I am walking on a wire
The pressure's getting higher
But I don't look around

Everyone roots for the winner
The others well maybe next time
Your time at the top only lasts fifteen minutes
Then they just leave you behind

Oh, it makes me wonder What if I slip, will they catch me
Or watch me fall?

I am walking on a wire
I tiptoe in through the fire
Never looking down to see that
I am walking on a wire
The pressure's getting higher
But I don't look around
It's so far to the ground


Comments

rach said…
That song... if you slip will they catch you or watch you fall...

You forgot the other possibility - you might just find you can fly.
9:24 am
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