Creativity defines me

Tokenism, Sir Fred and Drinking the Koolaid..

2012-02-01T07:28:00.002Z

Morning all,

Sir Fred Goodwin has been stripped of his knighthood. I know that we are still in panto season but this might really take the biscuit. Who cares if he has lost his knighthood.. its like when the villain gives up a bean/ lamp/ other pant prop, only to then turn aside to the audience and snicker as they reveal the real treasure. The sop of taking his away knighthood doesn't actually touch the problem.

It does highlight how the celebrity obsessed previous government gave away honours like sweets.

It does highlight how that same celebrity obsessed government allowed the arrogant capitalism of the day to have a place in the centre of life, building out economy on a very narrow base.

It does highlight how the current government is less obsessed with celebrity and wealth (largely because they have it) and so will degrade and victimise individuals in order to score political points.

This is a bad bunch of stuff. If we were really serious about dealing with the excesses that appear to be under attack just now then we need to start at a different point. The reality is that we (I didn't chain myself to the Bank of England or Downing Street) have drunk the Koolaid of uber capitalism. In the good days we were happy for the annoying, loud and arrogant bankers to sit in their square mile being obnoxious because they were creating a myth for us. The myth of ongoing wealth, of a bubble that couldn't burst. We enjoyed our over funded voluntary sector projects and kept quiet because we could build our own empires built on the back of their myth.

To that extent we are in this together.

We can't just snipe from the sidelines. Nor can we be happy with tokenism like the refusal of bonuses and the stripping of titles. Its time to get serious: to admit our complicity with this set up and to start creating other solutions.. The other solutions is a bit beyond my brain just now and so will have to wait for another day.

Trumps..

2012-01-12T22:16:00.002Z

As I type world war three is breaking out on the other side of the road.. my housies are arguing about PDFs and JPEGs which is the downside of living with geeks!

Meanwhile in my niche and juvenile world the Christian scene has imploded today! Us "Brits" are getting very flustered about something that Pastor Mark Driscoll might have said about us having no good young Bible teachers.. I'm not going to get too into that just now- but might in the future.

But this spat has trumped an earlier one: as I turned on the radio at early o'clock the dude was Ekklesia was saying on Radio 5LIve that the Church of England has gotten into bed with Satan. I'm not going to get into that just now- but might in the future.

That spat overshadowed the first bit of church related news I saw this morning. That was the Archbishop of York talking about child quality of life. Something that matters. Something that will resonate down the generations. And something that has been trumped in the zeitgeist by trivia (I say that more about the Pastor Mark stuff than about Jonathan Bartley).

2012: what will this year be like?

2011-12-31T21:00:00.002Z

So I need to put newly pampered fingers to keys to throw out a few thoughts about what 2012 might bring for me and the world.
There won't be much about me: save to say this will be a year where I will be trying to discern what happens post curacy. There are a whole bunch of Yorkshire things I want to do and I am (if I can find my credit card) about to sign up for my second half marathon!

As for the world..

Well- I don't think it will end (but in reality who knows).. I do think it will feel like it might be in various areas of the world. I think there will be some kind of Euro related crisis in June/ July that will foundationally rock our own coalition..

I'm proper excited about the Olympics. I think we will do it well!

So thats my thoughts: at some point I will reflect on this crazy year!

O Master Grant..

2011-12-22T19:47:00.003Z

Ever had one of those moments when the words of a hymn/ song/ chorus that you had pretty much dismissed suddenly hit you right to the core. I had one of those moments this week. I was in my bosses licensing service on the other evening.

The words:

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there's sadness, ever joy.

Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul.

As I stood, fully robed, fighting back tears the gravity of the day caught me. The afternoon had been spent conducting the funeral of someone who had taken their own life. Over 100 people gathered to- well what do people do at funerals- pay their respects? have their hearts torn open again?

They gathered and these words (originally St Francis?) were mine to inhabit: that I might bring hope where there is despair. In this season of dark nights and this era of dark days to be a bearer of light somehow.. I found myself praying this as a prayer- hoping only that somehow I had functioned as that for assembled mourners.

Days like that day take their toll. I need space after to reflect. Space is hard to come by in Christmas week but I have 36 hours to sit back, take stock and let this week's events take their proper place..

DC and that speech...

2011-12-17T09:14:00.003Z

This is a risk: overnight a number of (mainly male) Christian leaders have let their pre Christmas toes curl up in delight as David Cameron has said the UK is Christian country.. which isn't what he said.. nor did he actually say Christianity should be the thing which reverses a moral collapse.. but these are just two of the reasons why he should have kept his mouth shut!

Hate what I say or not- I'm not sure I care. But here's my take..

First: bless the celebration of the KIng James Bible.. but lets be clear (see what I did there)- this version of the Bible was allowed (authorised) to pacify a tide of far better/ more literal translations which were just too subversive for Monarchy. Thus when DC suggests that Monarchy and its restriction are from this text he needs to be careful (oh sorry whichever lackey wrote this needs to).. Don't talk about government values around a translation that was allowed to put down the aspiration of the masses.

Second: please talk about language.. it was beautiful. It has shaped language. Let us be grateful for that. But let us also remember that language has moved on and even when it was written the tone of it is loftier than the education of many. It certainly is now.

Third: a nun tweeted earlier (now theres the 21st century for you) "The idea of 'vaguely practising' Christianity (Cameron) is absurd. If we're practising we're not vague, however much we fail." DC falls into the modernist trap of thinking its about what goes on in our head that gives us faith. I no longer think thats the case. It allows rabid secularists to pull the mumbo jumbo card. Christian faith is not a set of tenets or a moral code (another error). It has to be embodied- as we follow God incarnate.

I'm going off piste a little here.. but DC seemed to be back on the idea of religion as somehow pacifying the masses.. stopping us being terrible to one another, by doggedly following a moral code. Naive, at best; feudal at worst, he has missed the point.

This faith that I follow has at the heart of it the notion that everyone has equal worth in the sight of God: the great leveller. From that basis the follower of God can value people equally... and thats the shaping point of our politics. Thats what Christianity has to offer right now. You don't have to look far to see how as a nation we have lost that sense (follow has tags on the BIg Fat Gypsy Christmas to see how a secular society doesn't value everyone as equal). I am inclined to believe that DC's policies do not dignify people as having equal value- others may disagree.

My final point is this: I think we need some people to give most people permission to believe again. I think people do- but a very small number of very fierce people tell us that we are deluded if we follow a God. DC was right to point out that actually most people do believe. I wish it was someone else who had given that permission..

I'm not sure that all publicity is good publicity. DC has put in his twopenneth which I hope does not allow media to write off anything that is said over Christmas.. I hope churches don't use his speech as a good thing. I hope that someone gently point sour that CUF who he praised, was set up after his predecessor decimated the inner city.. I hope he finds something more than vague practice..

Europe is Dying: Long Live the KIng

2011-11-20T07:29:00.003Z

Morning: today is the day in the church calendar where we celebrate Christ the King! (its also apparently the best day to make Christmas Puddings). I'm off for the first of three services at three different churches in about an hour but I feel that I need to put some thoughts out there about our current state.

I really wish that I had taken a course on late antiquity at university, because I am currently fascinated about era change. Thats what I feel we are on now. I feel that we are in the throes of one of those civilisation shifts that we have read about in the history books (or didn't in my case.. where is that copy of Gibbon). Europe has been in the ascendancy since the mid 1400's I guess.

And now, through ripping ourselves apart in war, this little patch of land (for that is what it is) is running dry of resources and no longer makes anything. Instead we pass money to one another- and thats no future. Our citizens have grown fat on the fruits of two hundred years ago and are now struggling to come to terms with the end of dominance.

The inevitable end has been slightly delayed by benevolent land masses- the US and Russia I guess. But now they have other friends, large resource rich countries that are much more fun to be with than cynical old Europe.

Its easy to read about era change from a distance, but this I think is what it feels like. This sense of economic mess, where some seem determined to ignore the need for change. The increasing sense of individualism (Thatcher won when there are strikes about "my pension" when a quarter of kids grow up in poverty) I'm sure will mark this era shift.

In the midst of it I see signs of hope- perhaps even of the Kingdom. It seems to me that the Kingdom is not a socialist utopia, nor is it the free market (in fact its definitely not that).. Its a place where the human is dignified. Its a place where everyone, no matter what they have, has dignity and promise.

And thats why I think I tentatively applaud the Bishops in stepping out to say no to the ethnic cleansing that benefit reform might unleash in the country. Yes £500 a week is a lot. But someone else made housing that expensive..

The Bishops are right to stand up for those who won't be listened to and will most likely not ever come near our churches. They are right because being poor shouldn't mean that you can be harangued out of certain parts of the country. Growing up in poverty should not consign you to being treated as less than human. Europe has historically vested such a fate on the poor across the world. It has to stop.

On this day of Christ the King, we honour the God who came as King- outrageously riding on a donkey, washing the feet of his friends, stepping in to stop an unjust stoning. As Europe wanes He is still King. He still calls us to dignify all of humanity (and I haven't even gone there in global economic terms)..

Europe is dying: Long live the King!

Two Year Anniversary

2011-11-18T21:44:00.003Z

Two years ago yesterday I sat in a flourescently lit room, as a seemingly unreally fit (in the sense of the word that existed before ten years ago) noted down my goals. "Errr.. lose three stone" I heard myself say. "When by?" came the reply. "Easter".

And so began a journey. The day I nearly bought a breadmaker. I used the money (and then some) to invest in some personal training sessions, and my life changed. At the risk of sounding like I am writing for a health magazine I should put some flesh around that statement.

Let me start with the raw facts.

I have lost 80lbs in weight. Thats about 36 kilos. Five stone and 10 pounds.

I have lost about 14 inches off my broadest parts! In some areas I have lost 5 dress sizes, in others just three.

I have gone from being obese to be healthy in BMI terms.

I have gone from not being able to walk up two flights of stairs without puffing to being able to run a half marathon.

What the raw facts don't tell is the story, because aside from being a different shape and size I feel like I have actually changed in my soul somehow. Not all of it is good: but we will come to that.

Lets start with the good stuff. I was talking to my Bishop about this as a discipleship mechanism: for in it I have learned a tenacity which nothing else has ever taught me. I'm clever so I never really had to work hard in school or at uni to get by. It made it easy for me to never have to do anything that taxed me. If it got hard I would give up and do something else. In training (especially in running) I have learned that you can't do that if you want to get better. I learned that I have to push through when I think I can't. I learned that most barriers are simply in my head not in my body.

I learned to push through and get better gradually. I learned that sometimes you just have to grind it out. I remember trying to get to the elusive 3km of running mark. I was so bored. It felt so slow.. But I got there. I picked up ways of alleviating boredom (one of my most disturbing traits is how quickly I get bored). And weirdly I went from 3k to 10 in about three weeks.

I learned that talent is no replacement for training. I am naturally pretty adept at sport. I mourn a bit that I could have been very good if I had been prepared to train when I was younger. Instead I relied on just raw talent.. there's a lesson for me about gifting and character.

I learned that its good for me to have something concrete to aim for.

Which leads me to the downsides.

Life is not wholly like training. Making disciples certainly isn't. And leading churches (institutional or otherwise) often seems to bear no resemblance at all. You see training teaches me that by sheer hard work I can do anything. But thats not the nature of church leadership. Hard work is important. Pushing through is. But you cannot expect results to just deliver themselves as they do in training.

Because people and God are not like that. And when we think they are we miss something. I can't just make targets and think that hard work will get me there.

But this could run the risk of getting existential..

Other bad/ odd things..

My feet have changed shape. Not in a bad way but I used to have really cute curly toes and all the running has splayed them out.

I get a weird joy in buying clothes that are sized according to your Body Mass Index.

I love that bit of training (normally on the wave machine which I hated at first) where the sweat begins to drip into your eyes- because then you know you are working really hard.

BUt mainly there are a love of things that I love.. here are just some.

I love getting out to run before the sun rises on a really cold day. I love the steam that rises off your hat as you pound the streets.

A bit of me loves it when someone starts to copy what you are doing at the gym.

I love the gym.

I love running on trails where you have to watch like a hawk where you are going but you get to leap and spring and feel like a mountain goat (don't think about that too much).

I love it when a run feel more comfortable after thirty minutes than it did after five.

I love that I can run round the parish and offer it in prayer (sort of).

I love that I get to wave at parishioners as I go by.

I love that I can walk into nearly any shop and buy clothes off the peg.

I love that if I stay this shape I will have to put on fat when I'm 40 to be healthy!

I love that its not done yet!

And on that note.. I shall end, for now.

Jingoism watch part two

2011-11-12T06:53:00.002Z

So metal theft is under the spotlight because man of the people Dave, thinks its appalling (thats another of his words, like absurd) that it happens, especially from war memorials.

If Dave and his chums would like to do the sums or look at the data they would discover that acting (and the proposal seems sensible) over war memorials is like punching the guy who looked at your sister while three other women are being held at knifepoint.

One memorial a week for small sums of metal.

Put your hands up if you have had a journey delayed because of metal theft (more than one a week I suspect).

Clergy friends: any of you unable to get insurance because your lead has gone more than three times? Anyone else had a funeral of a metal thief for whom it all went wrong (a colleague took one this week)? Anyone had significant leaks afterwards? Lightning conductors gone?

Schools- how about your gutters?

Anyone lost their phone connection (my parents and 20,000 others for a couple of days following mental theft)

Anyone nearly gone down a drain hole after the cover was stolen? (several cars wrecked in this way I am sure).

But not, lets act because people have taken some metal plaques off a war memorial. Yes its sad, yes it shows a lack of respect, but its about the only crime of this type that doesn't have immediate knock on effects now. We can live on without them- less so, roofing, gutters, cable, drain covers..

It seems in this country that you can only get anything done if you associate it with losses incurred in wars that we really don't know why we fought (all bar WW2 and Korea maybe). And that Dave, man of the people is absurd!

Poppies, jingoism and the word absurd!

2011-11-09T10:10:00.003Z

Morning one and all.
Well I am back from holiday and in a particularly shoot from the hip place! So today's topic of tirade is poppy fascism! Its a strong comment but I think its where we have gotten to as a nation. As I tap away many folks are getting in a little tizzy about the fact that England can't wear poppies on their shirts on Saturday.

FIFA is being pilloried as if they had run over the Queen Mother's cat in a hummer whilst playing gangster rap! What FIFA is actually doing is holding to the line that stops Israel celebrating the 1967 land grab, or Iran commemorating its losses in the last thirty years. Or actually more comparatively, it stops there being a Comic Relief shirt, or a Children In Need one.. or some other charity.

Because in our latter day tyranny where one gets stared down if one doesn't wear a poppy, we have forgotten that the Poppy campaign is just that. It is a charity fundraiser. I am not saying that the British Legion is not worthy of raising funds but lets name it for what it is.

As for the pressure that its the patriotic thing to do.. Bobbins! Surely if any of the wars (not the recent commercial ones that make one wonder why Shell and BP are not picking up the tab) tell us anything they tell us that diversity is good, that a range of opinions is helpful, that democracy (remember that back in the day) means you can say no. But we have this blip over poppies. Fail to wear one on telly, at Christian conferences and you are in trouble.. perhaps this is the 'golden rule' that Frankie whassisface broke on X Factor.

That is what is absurd!

David Cameron should make up his mind. If he cares that much about the poppy then properly fund rehab for soldiers who have fought so his rich friends can stay rich. Then the poppy campaign can be what he says it is: a national time to remember. Until then he should shut up and let FIFA keep a boundary that stops sport becoming beholden to yet another set of interests.

Right; rant over. I'm going to prepare a service of remembrance!

Tentative about tents..

2011-10-27T22:08:00.004+01:00

Ok: so my little preamble is that Church of England clergy are asked to show respect for one another by not pulling down other clergy or parts of the church. In reflecting on that- and trying to genuinely honour my brothers and sisters in this strange calling that I haven't said too much about the St Paul's stand off.

Today I was heartened in a strange way that Giles Fraser felt he was able to resign. I feel heartened that on first comments his diocesan Bishop appears to be exercising appropriate care over his staff and is perhaps going to see him alright.

But I am sad at the wider situation. As I type there appears to be something going on (riot vans or something nearby). I can't help but feel a little glum about what has happened- but there is a strange sense of inevitability about it all.

Because St Paul's Cathedral lives right on the fault line of several dilemmas faced by the Church of England. The first is that of having a place of worship that is also a tourist attraction. It comes with the territory for big old buildings. And it creates problems wherever it lands. What is our responsibility? Is the Church of England the keeper of buildings or is it a worshipping community? Over the last twenty four hours a number of Christian friends have made it very clear what they think, that the church is not about buildings. But buildings have kept the church present in communities all over the UK where the rest of the church has retreated. St Paul's is not one of those places, but it is a complex issue.

Second: St Paul's is in the heart of the City of London. The City of London is the most closely packed set of vested interests in the country. It is profoundly intimidating, bullying business has ruled the roost since the cathedral was built and there are some very strong influences and influencers. I have attempted ministry there and its scary. I would rather live and work in the poorest, most violent 2% than there. Anyone seeking to represent Jesus amongst that intimidation needs our prayers.

Third: St Paul's embodies the tensions that an historically established church faces. There are some in the Church of England who believe we have a divine right to public voice etc. It is a journey for many to realise that that is simply no longer the case. Christendom is over, but our nation has not quite rejected it. In church circles all over the country we are trying to work out a new role. Some are further along the curve than others and in any high profile place of worship these tensions live out. They are worse because of the essential breadth of the Church of England.

I'm not launching a defence of St Paul's: this has not been a success on any level.

However, I am also aware that there are some forces at work that may be taking the protestors for a ride. There is a danger that the views of the protest are being hijacked. An unholy alliance of city interests and radical secularists would want nothing more than the protest becoming about how mean the church is. It diverts from the real injustice- that a very few have made a big mess and refuse to clean it up.

Anyway- I am withering now.. Maybe more thoughts later.

Doing Normal Things..

2011-10-23T20:11:00.002+01:00

Sometimes I'm not very good at remembering who I am. I get all caught up in either feeling very special, or very not special. That, at my worst, can be entirely dependent on how well something is going.

When it gets bad I usually need rest and to do normal things and be around normal people. This weekend I didn't get a whole heap of rest but I did do some normal things..

I read a book: The Blasphemer by Nigel something.. rubbish.. trying too hard to be profound and missing by a country mile!

I watched a film.. the Help. Beautiful.. anger making and over the heads of many of the audience. Lots of choosing to laugh at the angry character... Civil Rights was my special subject- say no more.

I went for a walk..

I hung out with friends- lunch in Liverpool, dinner in Manchester, breakfast in Leeds..

I'm starting to feel more normal. I'm starting to remember that I am special, but not because of what I do. I can see that I am unspecial, in that I am a sister in this messy world, and I can smile at that.

More soon

Reasons to be cheerful..

2011-10-16T08:14:00.002+01:00

I am sure that all Church of England clergy and officials occasionally find themselves hiding behind their hands as one of our colleagues takes to the screen. In a fast moving media age any one of us could fall foul of a bad few moments on camera- and in reality we have colleagues who don't always share the most 'normal' of views.

And so I have been pleasantly reassured this morning: as one of the clergy from St Paul's (Giles Fraser to name) was interviewed by Sky News. Speaking in normal English, with no pastoral head tilt, Revd Fraser said clearly and concisely that he supported the Occupy protestors right to protest and that he had asked the police to move in from the steps of the Cathedral. Good job sir: the most lavish of cathedrals sitting amidst that most wretched Square Mile, but still speaking for the rest of us. (Westminster Abbey and its golden dome proposals might want to take note.. )

Add to that that all 26 bishops who were present, voted against the hurried NHS bill this week and I might have to retrain my hands to not shield my eyes everytime a collar appears..

That and Rev is back for a second series next month!

Its Been a While

2011-10-03T07:19:00.002+01:00

Morning world.

A whole month has gone by without a blog post. Hmmm. How do I explain that other than by saying, September.?

September is an odd month in the life of the church. Its the return after the summer (mentally only, nowhere here holidays), its the beginning of the Methodist year, schools return. All in all it adds up to a month of end to end meetings.

But now its October: harvest has been harvested (well in one of two churches). In my diary this week I have coffee based meetings, you know the ones where you really catch up (none of your sitting with a big agenda).

I'm looking forward to October..

More soon.

London Icon Run!!

2011-08-24T19:04:00.002+01:00

I did a big ole lot of running today: taking in the sights and sounds of the West End on foot before getting on a Boris Bike to do the City and Tower Bridge!

Here's the run: takes in:
Trafalgar Square and the Olympic countdown clock..
Downing Street
Big Ben
Buck House
Embankment
London Eye
Westminster Bridge
Oxford Street
Mayfair
Park Lane
Hyde Park Corner
Victoris
Westminster Abbey
Waterloo

A run mapped on 08/24/2011

Find more Runs in London, United Kingdom

Not the Poorest of the Poor.

2011-08-12T08:37:00.002+01:00

Thus far I have avoided flouting my criteria to talk about urban violence, but now feels like a good moment.

I have lived for 12 out of the last 13 years in inner city/ outer estate areas (in the other year I lived by Bristol Uni Halls where I lost more sleep through anti social behaviour but that's another story). I have lived (and still own a house) in a community that had riots in the mid 1990's, sparked by inappropriate policing. I have taught in its school- watching young people strive to achieve, and get there. In the same school I have also mourned young men who died joy riding, pinned down a young person who was so angry they could have caused serious damage, and broken up fights with chains (the fighters had chains not me!).

I now live 150 miles North. I live in a poorer community as far as I can tell. Here 46% of children are on free school meals. Less than half of people have any qualifications. House prices are half what they are in my former patch.

And it feels different.

My point is this. I do not believe that those who rioted are actually the poorest people in our society. The politicians have perhaps caught onto this, and will perhaps try to make the poorer non looters appear somehow noble.

However, the lack of riots in Hull, Bradford, Newcastle, Middlesborough etc etc should point us to a wider worry. Because beneath those who are caught into a twisted aspiration are a class who have given up. I don't know enough, but those who fought in the eighties and lost (mining communities etc) seem to have given up on the idea that things can change.

There is a fear and a passivity that can be congratulated from afar, but up close is scary. Because the flip side of not rioting is the everyday grinding reality that means that people barely leave their homes, trust no-one but family (no matter how messed up the family) and don't believe anything can change.

This group runs even more risk now of being ignored. They are passive and so will not attract the scant resources which will be toted as helping solve the issues behind the violence. And so the message of hopelessness will be reinforced.

I don't have solutions as yet. Christian presence is one from my point of view. A less London centric view would help too. More will follow..

Distancing...

2011-08-12T08:24:00.002+01:00

You may all remember the "feral rats" lady from Ealing. She articulated what many people might have been thinking. I wonder how many of us realised that she runs a baby store. She provides goods and services for small children.

That implies that she cares (although may be mercenary enough to just see the market.. but I doubt that).

So what has happened in our society that means that people (not just Ealing lady, I'm not picking on her) can both love children and write others off as feral rats.

Well maybe the clue is in the use of the word rat. For years now there has been a media distancing that happens when anyone does anything bad. The tabloids (and others) use animal terms for people whose behaviour is not acceptable. By distancing ourselves we can get the space to reassure ourselves that we are somehow different.

I see a new dimension to this just now: that we almost want there to be two sub species of people, the good and the bad. We can't cope with a scale of behaviour, we need to dismiss people as being utterly other.

And that's dangerous. Its smug and superior, but historically it also has had some far reaching implications. In the current situation it is stopping us addressing our own sin (and I don't use that word lightly).

We have to take hold again of the notion that we all can mess up. That we all are selfish most of the time. That we do things that we later regret.

The events of those few nights have brought the violence and opportunism of some street cultures to a wider audience. If we choose to distance ourselves and pretend that these people are somehow other, we will simply repress the issue again.

Lets own the problem: not just when it scares us. No more talk of rats: these are people.

And whether they are the poorest is the subject of the next post.

On Mindlessness..

2011-08-11T19:45:00.002+01:00

In the last few days I have heard a whole heap of people, from Bishops (of Manchester) to politicians (Keith Vaz), to Joe Public, all calling the recent violence in certain communities, MINDLESS.

I know that we all use words to mean different things, but mindless seems wholly inappropriate for this outbreak of theft.

People made choices, took calculated risks in order to do what they did. It doesn't make sense now (I am guessing that for most people as they sit in court they may have a dawning realisation of the same), but at the time it was not mindless. The opportunity to and advantages of, stealing outweighed the risk of getting caught. Daft in hindsight, but not mindless.

What is also clear is that in places there were minds at work. There was order to the theft. There was system and choice. There were ringleaders and co-ordinators. They are possibly the same ringleaders and co-ordinators that work day in day out making deals out of criminal activity.

Some of those co-ordinators were mothers: seeing an opportunity to feed their kids, provide entertainment. Criminal by our laws yes, mindless no.

It is easy for us to dismiss things as mindless because we do not understand them. But in doing that we do a further work of distancing ourselves from what has just happened.

And that is the title of the next post.

Daring to put pen to paper..

2011-08-11T08:14:00.003+01:00

I've been a bit reticent to say anything on a blog in the last few days after getting locked into a few altercations late on Monday night (virtual, discursive as opposed to rioting).

So what do I think: well over the next day or so I think expect to see three or four posts. I want to talk about:

Supply Teacher Syndrome and the failure of leadership.

Uber consumerism.

Avoiding the temptation to paper the cracks

The alarming reality that there is yet another underclass..

So.. watch this space.

A Tentative Post...

2011-07-23T22:16:00.002+01:00

I'm hesitant to write this post as it is very early days in the aftermath of Norway's tragic 24 hours.

Anders Behring Breivik has apparently identified himself to be a conservative Christian. I have watched twitter and facebook in the last few hours as believers have mainly distanced themselves from this man's horrible crimes. Others, mainly from without the church have been more critical: urging Christianity to get its house in order. Still others have used this horror to launch random attacks on faith.

I am torn. Whilst the actions of this man simply bear no resemblance to the actions of Jesus, or to how most of us would live as Christians, we have to acknowledge that we have failed as the church.

I think we have failed because Anders Behring Breivik could have been in one of our churches. The man allegedly identifies as Christian. To my mind one can only really be a Christian in a community. And so where was that community?

This is not an attack on the Norwegian church. Its a question. What has gone wrong that someone who professes faith has not been brought into a community of love and care and grace and transformation?

Allow me to be cruel. I think most of our churches are too lazy to try and engage such people. You know the ones; the difficult, the awkward, the ones with views that leave us cold. The ones that people don't flock to over coffee. In short- the other. Sometimes its just so hard to have the conversation again and again that actually we are perhaps relieved when they move on to another faith community. Often only a few people in any one church will even bother to try.

However church communities are vital for us all. Our edges are bumped off in community; we are made disciples in community. The internet cannot do that- only other people with different views can do that.

The truth, or some version of it, will emerge from Norway over time. But as that happens may I take responsibility for the other- to include, to challenge, to learn from, to teach. Lord have mercy.

Some Days...

2011-07-06T21:21:00.002+01:00

Some days I find that I spend a normal day in my life; get to the end of it and realise that perhaps it wasn't that normal.

Today was one of those days.

In the last hour I caught up with the local school at a community meeting. They had a break-in on Thursday night. People went into the nursery, smoked a lot of weed and defacated in the sandpit and wendy house. They left threats against the school.

When I left the school one of the mums stopped me to ask if I could warn the young people I work with about who they accept as friends on facebook. Young people in this estate are being befriended by older people who are manufacturing indecent images of children.

Literally thirty seconds later as I walked home, three children were 'playing' on some land out of sight of their homes. Playing looked like simulating sex. They were about six years old.

I am determined that we can change this rubbish.

Yesterday I made a tiny baby step in the right direction. I posted a job ad online for someone to come and work with young people in this community.

I believe passionately that a handful of people who follow the God of death and resurrection, of suffering and glory, can see transformation in our communities.

I believe that when we engage we can see healing.

I believe that communities like this don't have to be left to it.

I'm sad tonight. But I have hope.
If you want to come and join in you can find the job ad here

Friday! Whats On My Mind?

2011-07-01T08:10:00.002+01:00

Well today is a bright and sunny morning! Both internally and externally..

Whats on my mind: Well I am struggling to wind down from a big ole work week already. I actually feel like I've gotten quite a bit done. Still LOTS to get done tomorrow..

Anyway, this week I am quite buzzed by it all. Thats a good turn around after a few bleak weeks.

I am also excited by- tennis.
This morning I play, this afternoon I watch.

I'm excited by thinking about holidays!

I'm excited about thinking about future possibilities..

I'm also intrigued by strikes/ pensions/ what is fair? I might blog more on that later when I have had proper processing time.

And finally I am excited again about exercising and goal setting.

Happy days!

Inner City Running: pros and cons

2011-06-25T18:25:00.004+01:00

Most of my running these days is in the inner city. A combination of lack of time, expensive fuel and working across two inner city parishes makes getting out of the area to run is tricky.

This afternoon was one such inner city run: in my shiny new shoes (see above)

It got me thinking about the pros and cons. There are a lot of cons..

THE DOWNSIDE
The air is pretty rough. I live 200 yards from the ring road, 400 from the M621, under a flight path. The air is pretty dingy and there are moments where the lungs struggle.
The pavements can be a tad hazardous: pizza, sick, cans, dog poo..
People don't get out of the way as you run- just doesn't occur to them.
Fat people who deliberately obstruct your path. I know that probably sounds mean: but I speak as a former obese person.. and I can say that there have been several times where large people have walked into my path. Just rude!
Shouted insults- I think I was invited to slap someone's manhood today but I had headphones in so..
There are a lot of Greggs to run past. Pie never smelled so good.
Cars, on pavements, driving a bit crazy.
Buses.. say no more.
Its also 2.5 miles to a big bit of greenspace, which means you look a bit rough before you get to the trot around space.

THE UPSIDE
If I run in the estate people cheer and say hello.
Its a great way to get round the parish.
It makes you appreciate the green space when you get there.
Its not muddy.
You are faster than most people around, and in fact faster than the traffic at times.
You get to run past iconic bits and pieces (if the Billy Bremner statue counts)
There are a lot of Greggs to run past!
If your lungs can do inner city they can do anything.
Puke dodging is great for core strength training.
And finally: a celebratory whippy only costs £1 in the inner city!

I feel like..

2011-06-21T07:30:00.001+01:00

The Coalition. That is all..

What's On My Mind?

2011-06-18T09:16:00.003+01:00

Its Saturday: I am in bed. My lovely housemate, in deference to my need for introvert time, brought me some food..

And so fueled up I can tell you about what I'm thinking.

I am pondering how I lead. I am pondering how I keep hold of the eternal truth that God loves me, when the people of God don't appear to. I am pondering what it might look like to get some break through in people understanding boundaries. I have been reading about Paul and his relationship with the errant church in Corinth. None of this is hugely related to each other; but I am struck by my need to keep hold of what God has said and is saying in the midst of it all.

If you are a praying type then all appreciated in that.

I'm thinking about how we fix the pensions and benefits crisis. No solutions yet but I'm only on my first cup of coffee so its just a matter of time.

I'm thinking about how I can get to see some Rory tonight. I'm wondering if its inappropriate that I am fascinated by the wee prodigy.

I'm also thinking about X-Men Origins and when I get to see that and/ or Harry Potter.

And finally: today is a study day. So I should do some of that.

Getting back up off the canvas.

2011-06-15T07:35:00.003+01:00

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

So says Paul: writer of several letters to the indignant church of Corinth. In his reflection he has been beaten and shipwrecked to give background to his comments here. I should say now that I have been neither beaten nor shipwrecked.

I have had a tricky month though. I can't quite explain what happened, for reasons of not wanting to tittle-tattle, but also not really knowing what happened.

All I can really say is that I lost confidence. I couldn't quite haul myself up off the canvas. Doubt and paranoia have been nibbling at my edges. Its been a bit grotty.

But I hope that I have begun to get up. The image in my head is that of a boxer who was caught off guard. A weak haymaker toppled them to the floor and now they are on the canvas. They are not knocked out but are a bit confused and ashamed. It was a weak shot that just caught them at an off balance moment. They can fight on, but there is a mental challenge now of being on the floor..

As you watch the scene at the count of three or four they get up from the floor, aided by the ropes.. and then they turn to the ref and indicate that they can box on.

Thats where I am. I can box on. The challenge is to get back into the fight rather than running from fear that I might get caught again. The challenge is to forget that canvas moment and fight on. A time out will come to process the down but that is not now!

Things I'm Thinking About

2011-05-27T08:12:00.003+01:00

Its Friday morning: my day off.
Its also a day off after quite a strange week. I have spent quite a bit of time in reflective study: looking at what I have done over the last 22 months. And so coming to this morning doesn't quite have that sense of downtime that it often does. However, being more rested and finally coming up from under the ear infection means I have lots swimming round my head.

Heres just a sample:

Leadership styles- my continuing wrestling with the pressure to be nice to people, when actually I want them to encounter Jesus.

Boundaries- linked to styles but a real ongoing thought challenge.

Tools of discipleship...

Possible Masters dissertation subjects

Whether Amazon debit Prime trial from your account just in case or whether I have Olympic tickets on their way.

What time it is acceptable to call one's parents..

When I will be well enough to exercise..

What the other book I ordered from Amazon was..

Whether the arrival of the package woke my housemate up..

That I should do the washing up.

Just thought I'd share!

Ambling Rambling.. Entering Mystery

2011-05-21T12:39:00.003+01:00

Again a disclaimer: not sure I am thinking straight.

The media has really taken hold of the predictions of one that today is judgement day. There are little articles all over and twitter has three trending topics related. Most of my Christian cyber (and real) friends are cynical. But perhaps in mentioning it we are giving away our sort of 'just in case' theories.

There is a whole heap of ridicule heading towards the guy who is prime mover in all this. A sort of sense of 'he's not one of us'.

But he is. He is our brother in Christ. And he is perhaps just an extreme example of what we all do from time to time. Can any of us say that we haven't wanted to control or predict God. That we haven't theorised about when the end might come? That we haven't given to organisations who promise to take the gospel to all nations so Jesus might then return?

It seems to me that in days of struggle; when life makes less and less sense, when things are not getting better, we have a choice. We can try to control- the end is coming, if we just work harder etc etc.. or we can tumble into the abyss.

The deep chasm of God. His mystery. Complete with the jagged rocks of fear that will tear us if we seek to hold on. Complete with a sense of doom as we fall away from the light we have known, with no certain hope in a greater light to come.

The day and the hour are unknown but that to reduce that to shouting at Harold Camping seems to me to miss the point. In that Jesus invites us to trust.

And thats hard. Because we are so independent. We can do so much for ourselves that to trust seems perverse. I feel deeply humbled today as I hear the invite to rest and trust. I have tried to fight it - but now in a confusing world of unbalanced ears and legs I am drawn from the sofa, not to get on with it but to fall into an abyss.

And as I fall I pray

Keep from the jagged rocks of fear
Lord have mercy

Keep me from clawing to get back to the light i know
Christ have mercy

Welcome me to the place of trust
Lord have mercy

Amen

Humbling..

2011-05-20T08:41:00.003+01:00

‎"Guys who went to Bible college/seminary & graduate to a sheltered nerd lifestyle where they read books & argue with other nerds about what Christian leaders are doing but not reaching people or doing much other than babysitting consumer Christians in some declining cul de sac church are not merely a joke, but also sinful." Mark Driscoll

So I have done something I never thought I would do. I have given blog space to MD: someone with whom I agree very little. I don't know the context of what he said, but its a challenging thought.

I have had a difficult week. I have labyrinthitis; an inner ear viral infection that leaves you with vertigo and an IQ drop of what feels like 50 points. I am mid backlash from making some tough leadership choices. The young people in the estate (no lets be honest, maybe four young people) have waged war on the building in which my church resides. I am struggling to encourage my church to be mission minded when actually thats the scariest thing in the world (and don't pretend its not!).

I am sorely tempted to retreat to reading books and talking about them with people who already agree with me. Hell I am tempted to just talk about books.. I can feel the call of intellectual safety.

But this morning my whirling head is challenged by Driscoll's words. Recycling Christians is the threat to mission in the UK. Its not secularism, its not interfaith; its the fact that we are happy to shuffle discontent consumers and call it mission. We spend so much time tweaking things so that we don't offend people who have been hurt by church that we are neglecting the vast swathes of people who have NEVER been reached with the news of a better day in God's Kingdom.

I'm not dismissing people's pain, anyone who leads a church knows that you ignore that pain at your peril. But I am saying that we have to keep hold of the reality that church is about the other. Its not about people who are like us. Its not about reading books with people who already agree. Thats group therapy.. and has its place, but lets not call it mission.

And so I challenge myself- to keep people mindful of the other. But also to not be content with just knowing lots of people outside church, but let us believe that these people too can encounter Jesus and be changed (but thats different post).

Thoughts? (including, don't blog with an IQ dip)

p.s. Driscoll refers to guys.. discuss!

Greetings...

2011-05-11T07:55:00.003+01:00

BBC Breakfast are running a story this morning about handshakes. Apparently Ed Miliband has a terrible one (the household thinks its all about the angles). The debate has ensued about what a handshake says about a person, and also whether women should have their hands shaken at all (they should apparently have their hand held or be kissed)..

I invite comments..

But, and you need to know I'm pulling a face, how else do you greet people?

In my job there are a whole host of socially awkward situations. People don't quite know how to greet a vicar. They may never have met one before, and they rarely meet new people in this kind of setting. Remember in this that I am working in an inner city unchurched setting.

In this setting the handshake works. Without wanting to sound bad its wholly inappropriate for me to be kissed by the endless lines of people leaving funerals. Its also a bit gross.

Discuss (and you are allowed to say that this is the actual heart of the matter reason why women shouldn't be vicars.. I won't mind, I will merely crush you with my very firm handshake... ;-)).

As to the way one shakes hands; I confess I hate a limp handshake. I don't really like the hand crusher either but its still better than having a warm slab of meat proffered with no energy..

Tell me I'm wrong- am I being a handshake snob? Should I accept the oh so polite kiss on the cheek?

What does your handshake say about you?

Hopeless Romanticism?

2011-05-07T08:23:00.002+01:00

Its day after we said no to AV. I'm not here to gloat. As some of you will know in the last days of the campaign I was wavering, I was perhaps listening to the voices which said this is the only choice you will ever have.

Honest moment: I spoiled my ballot. I hope an honest statement about how I felt about the choice offered.

I still believe AV is not what we need. If we decide we want a more democratically elected government then there are better systems. I still don't think that we as a nation are sure that we really want democratic representation in its truest sense. (I know we don't want real democracy).

However, this morning the pro AV people are very disheartened. They seems to think its all over. People are telling me that this was our only chance for a generation. Well maybe I watch too much West Wing, but I don't believe that. I believe that things can be changed and that when you suffer a defeat you reflect; you work out if this is the fight you still want to have. You get up. And you have another go. The old fashioned term is perseverance.

In my life time (in fact in 18 months during my sixth form years) immovable forces have been moved.. the Berlin Wall fell, and Eastern Europe was transformed, Thatcher resigned.. all things which seemed impossible.

Electoral Reform is on the agenda. Its time for those 30% of people who really care to get up off the mat and start to fight again. The fight needs to be redefined.. lets ask for the system we really want. And lets keep asking. We can make it not go away if those who have been passionate for a few weeks stay just that.

Democracy.. you decide.

2011-05-06T09:40:00.002+01:00

The early signs in this round of elections are pretty clear: The Lib Dems have taken a pounding in England. Its not surprising- students will be voting in numbers and the North would only ever head left again. The results seem to be showing that Conservative Voters are quite happy with the cuts and so are sticking with.

In the big picture polarisation happens from time to time in UK politics. Usually at times of economic hardship. I think the middle will struggle for a few years yet. Which leads me to point 1.

The Labour Party need to start telling me what they are for. Now is the time to start carving out a clear sense of what we are for.. there are a few years to communicate a clear vision. Its all too anonymous right now.

That may explain the success of the SNP. Clear sense of what they will deliver (everything for no pence). I don't follow Scottish politics, but the little I have seen has suggested that the SNP are offering things that you would want to vote for. Simple.

Will Scotland vote for independence? Who knows... I think they are well placed economically to leave now before the oil runs dry and gin becomes the new whisky.

And finally.. about turnout.
Its disappointing that so few vote in local elections. But ultimately only about 10% of local services are funded locally.. do councils really make a difference or does it come down to the quality of local civil servants?

I'm rambling incoherently now so.. I will stop and talk about AV later.

Early thoughts on the demise of Bin Laden.

2011-05-02T07:18:00.002+01:00

Its 7.20am on Monday morning. I would like to think that I am more awake than the PM appeared to be a few minutes ago. These are my early thoughts: none original I'm sure.

1- this is more a symbolic act than a blow to AQ's operational capacity.
2- a 911 survivor says this bit best: "I just can’t find it in me to be glad one more person is dead, even if it is Osama bin Laden." She has the right to say what I hope many more people will feel.
3- the politicians are doing well in their reaction thus far (apart from the inflammatory tweets of an inconsequential Tory MP, Louise Bagshaw wind your neck in before you start calling Pakistan to account.. way above your pay grade)
4- lets hope the frat party antics outside the White House calm down. They are ill advised. There's something profoundly immature about celebrating like that after so many civilian deaths in pursuit of this one. They will be counterproductive.. but for now I think we can put it down to the US not having a Royal Wedding to become gushy about. That sounds fascetious and I will say more later in the day about the sense of relief this must bring to the US.
5- it could get worse before it gets better. The wise people (including the State Dept) are very aware that more attacks could come to pass. How the USA and other Western states handle this is crucial.
6- the next months of consequence will define the presidential campaign. Barack Obama was particularly snippy at the Correspondents dinner last week.. and right his political advisers will be joyous. But its fragile.
7- this could be a defining moment for the global economy- I think confidence boosts in a mass market like the US could have big implications.
8- I have NO idea how this plays out for the protest movements that are happening around the Arab world right now.
9- The marine who has leaked photos already should be court martialled.
10- Bin Laden's body should be released asap so that he can have the dignity of a culturally appropriate funeral. The US has 'won' and it falls on winners to show dignity, magnanimity and compassion.

I think thats it for now. We pray on..

Me: betraying my principles in the name of fun!

2011-04-28T21:32:00.003+01:00

Hit the link below!

Cottingley mock wedding

What I Say Yes to... more on AV

2011-04-26T20:56:00.002+01:00

As promised here is what I would perhaps like to see as a real change of voting system. Its not new or untried but I think might work for us.

Its essentially a lower chamber that sees 50% of the seats allotted on the basis of the party list system. On your ballot paper you get the chance to vote for a national party. Its entirely proportional- you get 12% of the vote here you get 12% of the seats.

Generally in this set up you have to score over 5% to be included- which is the concession to keep out extreme extremists.

Add to this, the other 50% of the chamber is elected constituency representatives. The constituencies would need to be bigger (and perhaps more diverse, boundaries could be reworked to include both rural and urban in most settings). This allows for the independent local candidate to still be in the mix. It means we still have people to write to about local concerns. Its a place for those who aren't just professional politicians.

What I've outlined is the system Germany has. I'm not saying its perfect but it does meet our needs. We are party voters in essence, so we can have that. But it also allows room to have local representatives which we seem to want too (and if you want to vote for them by AV then so be it).

The system means that you can have your core party folk on the party list (leader at number 1 and so on), so you guarantee a bit of stability at the top: no danger of Nick Clegg losing his seat, which Lib Dems must be twitchy about already. It acknowledges that cabinet members sometimes need to be freed of constituency stuff.

Problems: can MPs make a leap from constituency to party list if they so desire.. is it two tier? How do parties decide who goes on the list? Can it be regulated? Should it be regulated?

Some folk will get upset that it means the BNP will have MPs. Well you either buy into democracy or you don't. If 5% of people vote BNP then give them representation. That's democracy. And its also in being included that one trick ponies will be shown up for what they truly are- basically devoid of any worthwhile contribution on the vast myriad of Parliamentary issues.

This is a more radical solution than AV. Its more risky because party list is directly proportional and thats too scary for some. It means we need to change electoral boundaries, so that no seat is as safe (AV doesn't fix that, my vote still counts for less under AV as I'm not on a marginal).. Thats a lengthy and difficult process but perhaps is worth doing.

So thats my solution. Thats what I want to hold out for. Thats what AV falls so far short of in my view.

Why I say "no"!

2011-04-25T08:55:00.002+01:00

Someone suggested that I pen a few lines about why I am voting no to AV. I have been procrastinating about it because
a- its been Easter so I've had a few things on
b- most of my readers/ friends are lovely liberal types who will most likely be in favour
c- I had a fairly vibrant public disagreement with my diocesan bishop about it and am a little scarred!

But for what its worth:

I think at the core of my opposition is about what I believe about history. I believe that history twists and turns on the interplay of radical characters being themselves in a larger arena. God (or fate or whatever Richard Dawkins might call it) and specifics humans engage in a dance that takes world events down particular roads at particular times. This can be for immense bad, or immense good.

In antithesis my very particular take on history thinks that much harm has been done by mediocre characters in the interests of 'safety' and 'stability'. I read a tweet (I know not the source of all sound knowledge) which said this:
"More girls were killed for being girls in the last 50 yrs than men were killed in all the battles of the 20th century"
I suspect that if we do the maths more people were killed in defence of stability, safety, how things used to be and such stuff than by all the crazy mad people who kills out of ideological drive. (I could insert here a little bit about AV being the 'safe' choice that stops all the suburban types having hissy fits about the BNP getting an MP)..

My, this is a long preamble..

And isn't actually making my argument very well.. so I shall cut to the chase as it were.

AV, in my opinion, will lead to a celebration of mediocrity. Ultimately the least 'dangerous' candidate/ party will hold power. I work for the Church of England where such attitudes have held sway for years and perhaps explain why in the main we are dying on our butts. I think people will vote #2 for someone safe: and therefore in anything marginal the dull safe person or party will win.. Yaaawwwwn!

AV is not significantly more proportional due to the random nature of the constituency system.

AV doesn't help the reality that we try to marry two foundational and yet opposing political givens in the country. We seem to want local MPs. But we are also obsessed with party politics. AV doesn't 'solve' this or offer a decent alternative.

The idea that this will be our only chance ever says something quite disturbing about what we believe about democracy in our country. And isn't true. If we care enough for long enough it will come round again.. and frankly if we can make the debate rage for years about foxes but can't do it for voting then we deserve an unrepresentative dictatorship!

And finally: and this is mean spirited but I don't care. The Lib Dems have perpetuated fraud on the voters. They have lied and sold to to almost everything they ever said in pre election campaigning. Now we can blame the anti war leftists for being so profoundly naive (oh I just did, job done).. but we can also hope that those same leftists don't vote for AV as it will stop the Lib Dems receiving their due punishment.

One might argue that such electoral treachery means that Clegg and co deserve to be wiped from the electoral map. AV will most likely lead to them having more MPs (due to our strange part allegiance stuff). And that just doesn't seem fair: sell out your whole platform except the one thing that might help you stay vaguely in power.

So I will vote no to AV. But I will continue to ask and campaign for a better system. Because I want to beleive that democracy is real and if the people ask for something they will eventually get it!

(I will also post about what system I would like and why.. but not yet).

Easter Pangs

2011-04-23T19:31:00.002+01:00

Each year I find that Easter hits me in a different way. There have been years where I have felt the wrecking devastation of Good Friday. There have been others where I have risen on Easter Sunday dawn with resurrection hope.

This year I navigated my way through Good Friday without too much grief (its a different deal when you are leading services all through). But today, this Holy Saturday, I am struck by the betrayal that pervades the Easter story.

Its been an interesting lead up to Easter for me. And so in many ways I guess its inevitable that the characters of Peter and Judas are taking centre stage in my Easter Reflection.

My head is a bit fuggy so this may not come out clearly.

BUT: I feel the betrayal. That sense that sometimes people who have sworn loyalty and help, let you down. That the very people you want with you in the darkest hours have all run away.

And that strangely in that the people who are around you at your lowest point are perhaps the ones that you have been harsh with, dismissed or given up on. John's gospel has Jesus' mother at the cross, along with some other women, the young disciple John and two comparative strangers.

I'm struck that as followers of Jesus we seek to emulate the Peter's of the world, but when push comes to shove its Mary, the wife of Clopas (?!) who stays with Jesus. As a leader I wonder if I have placed too much trust in the obvious ones; Peter or Thomas or Judas types.. but actually the loyal followers, the tellers of good news are actually the annoying mother types (remember Jesus at Cana) or the young clingy ones.

And I'm struck also by my fickle nature: my promises of loyalty followed by moments of denial.

I'm in need of a moment over breakfast on a beach, or with the risen saviour in a garden. Humble me Lord.

What Wing Fans Always Knew..

2011-03-31T18:25:00.004+01:00

So a new report has come out suggesting that those who watch the West Wing are more likely to achieve in life. They suggest that those who have watched all seven series are more able to make crucial decisions in high pressure environments.

I guess it makes sense: the whole walking and talking at the same time thing, talking fast, making decisions that change the world. According to the report the programme should be recommended for business and military leaders as 'sharpening'. The flip side is that apparently they can be left open to delusions of grandeur and can in fact be a bit naive..

Whichever way.. I feel thats permission to watch!

For God so...

2011-03-19T07:50:00.003Z

Preaching on the most quoted, worn, waved at sports matches verse of Scripture is a little bit of a challenge. I have waited.. no I'll be honest.. I have procrastinated until I now have 24 hours til delivering said sermon.

But it occurs to me this morning that I often find myself in a situation which helps me to engage. Last night I was on my way back from a wee run when I heard, 'oooh look at those sexy legs' (I was wearing shorts). It was followed by 'that church is haunted'. At which point I took a bit more notice of the voices emerging out of the darkness.

The gospel passage this week is about Nicodemus, a man of influence who comes to Jesus with questions. My encounter last night was with the most influential group of young men in the estate. They influence, in the main through intimidation. But last night, from fear they had questions.

The conversation ended with them asking about me blessing them and their beads and so on. They are looking for answers out of their fear.

I'm part excited about the encounter- not that the fellas are troubled, but that God may be at work here. My prayer is that somehow tomorrow (I said I would meet them after the morning service) I will be allowed to both challenge and encourage, to bless and to see God meet these young men. And I pray that they will know this God that loves them.

And now I shall stop procrastinating and write a sermon!

Love and Fear...

2011-02-27T08:15:00.002Z

In morning prayer one day at college the following Australian poem was put into my hand to read:

There are only two feelings.
Love and fear.
There are only two languages.
Love and fear.
There are only two activities.
Love and fear.
There are only two motives, two frameworks, two results.
Love and fear.
Love and fear.

It sounds simplistic on some level. I'm sure many of us would want to dispute that our feeling of wanting to berate or defend our favourite author is about fear. We may doubt whether our anger at NHS treatment of the elderly is about love. We might question whether our constant keeping up with the news is about fear or love.. or both. We might want to make ourselves seem more complex but the simple reality is that most of what we do is motivated by love or by fear.

I feel like i live in a world where fear is in the ascendancy. Anxiety hovers over this community where 86% of people live on Government benefits. Tomorrow letters will start arriving telling people that their incapacity benefit could be withdrawn. And as they are handed vast forms, so fear chalks up a victory mark.

In the wider world I will sit in three meetings this week about funding. As charities scrabble for scraps in the myopic vision of a Big Society fear lurks at the door waiting to claim more adherents to its deathly grip. Its undertakers are sections of the media who profit and thrive in a culture of fear. Its all getting worse and here's how..

And then we turn to the Middle East: where fear seems justified on all counts. Where life and death turn on the quality of the herb feeding a frenzied and addled mind.

Fear: and those who trade in it, seem to be in the ascendancy.

And yet the God I follow is love. Not romantic hearts and flowers love that sits and dines at a fine linen clad table. Its love that sits with friends who are gripped with fear and owns that fear may temporarily win. Its love that knows that fear is beatable and as sweat mingled with blood won a victory that resonates through eternity.

It is love that will sit too with friends and fill out the benefit forms. It is love that will give itself and its resources away to see the rule of love come closer in our neighbourhoods. It is love that will pray and protest until fear is quelled across the world. It is love that will tell a different story, that even as things suffer there is a bigger story that rumbles on.

And it is love that wins.

There are only two things.
Love and fear.

May love win victories in our smallness that we may reflect love's victory in all its bigness.

Bored!

2011-02-19T20:14:00.002Z

And so that time has come round again. About every six months I get bored. Its not a short attention span, its not that I don't care about things or people, its just that my brain and life has fully absorbed the last new thing and so is hungry for some new challenge.

This is problematic. There are some new challenges that you can just add in (last year, new diet, running etc etc).. but there are others which impact the other people around you. I'm sure its really upsetting for people who have just caught hold of an idea to find the touter of the idea has moved on.

I'm sat on a Saturday night surrounded by materials to help me prep for tomorrow. And yet I'm restless for something else to get my teeth into. At the same time I know that I have to sustainably hand things over, I can give up running without hassle but I can't give up on after school study support.. I can change my hair but I can't change the service times..

And so I'm caught in the middle.. feeling mildly sorry for myself.

I think this is why people have crazy hobbies.. we take them up to stop us killing people's involvement. They are the safe things we can pick up and discard without damaging people.

So maybe this post is a very longwinded way of saying that I need a new hobby!

In other news- little miracle in my church this week.. that still makes me smile.

The end of a new Berlin Wall?

2011-01-28T08:58:00.003Z

I confess that I don't know a whole lot about the North Africa/ Middle East protests. I'm going to buy some kind of articulate magazine that might fill me in later. But (since when has lack of knowledge stopped me speaking).. this reminds me of those months in 1989-91 where every time we turned on the news the map and the countries had changed. Contagious protest, old leadership threatened, a new day.

When it happened at the end of the Cold War we rightly celebrated an end to oppression, even if we replaced it with another tyranny of greed. I think I am a bit worried that this time we will have half an eye on the economic ramifications if poor people all over the Middle East rise up. The spectre of oil raises its head again.

I don't know how it will shape up but I'm praying for justice and peace. I'm praying as people prayed thirty years ago for bloodless change..

(and if anyone knows about it more do keep me posted).

Could I possibly?

2011-01-07T20:23:00.002Z

I have just done a bit of browsing through friends' blogs. Lots of folks reflecting on the last year and planning for this year. And I have to confess that I am jealous. Not jealous of people's life as such: I'm pretty sure that I am doing as God would have me do. What I'm jealous of is people's book lists.

I love reading but I can count on one hand how many books I have managed to get through in the last twelve months. I miss the days of commuting when I could get through a book in a couple of days..

But I'm not going to wallow. I'm going to try and do something about it. I'm going to try and read for an hour a day. I have no idea if I can actually do, and I know that something has got to give if I am going to do it. But lets face it, you only need to watch a half hour of breakfast telly and I can eat and read at the same time..

Watch this space for book reviews..

There was no room at the inn..

2010-12-23T19:26:00.004Z

This happy little typo is stuck to the front door of a local house here. As I delivered Christmas publicity the other day I was in part amused and in part intimidated by the sign. These things are often accompanied by a large hound waiting to eat anything that dare to venture beyond the rubber seal of the letter box.

As I've reflected on the last few days, and as I caught the last episode of the BBC Nativity, its all hit home a bit harder. When Mary and Joseph sought somewhere to stay this was the response they got. The BBC producers and directors have hit on something in their sense that Mary and Joseph were too scandalous to receive welcome.

And so as John pens; the light had come into the world but the world could not receive Him. Arriving in scandal and misunderstanding the Christ child is told to, well I refer you to the picture.

This Christmas, Christ comes to us, still mired with the controversies of those who bear Him into the world. My prayer is that somehow He may be made welcome.

This morning's sermon..

2010-12-12T19:12:00.002Z

I think I was funnier this morning..

Kettles..

2010-12-11T08:28:00.003Z

Now normally in my role the word kettle would be used in a sentence that goes something like: "shall we put the kettle on?".

However, that would be far too dull to blog about so as you may have gathered this is about 'student' protests and kettling.

It seems to me that kettling has to stop. As much because it doesn't work as any issue of human rights. To use a tactic that was I suspect finely honed in dealing with football fans, really is not going to work. Some students broke off the official route because they didn't want to be kettled.

As to the violence. Not acceptable or helpful full stop. Unwise but instructive as to an underlying tension.

What became clear to me is that we actually have two issues. The media, because it reminds us of our own student days?, will major on tuition fees at higher ed level. But the anger I want to suggest is among those who have already had their EMA cut. EMA helps poorer kids to be subsidised through further education. It encompasses kids whose families are on benefits through to clergy kids!

Its cut has already unlevelled the playing field. Its cut is probably disproportionally going to affect the poor. This cut will mean that students won't be able to take up tuition fee help at higher ed level..

The education team need to get this in line. Cutting at the top (HE) to give more to the bottom is a Gove line.. he needs to get his house in order over EMA if he is not to face more violence.

From what I saw on Thursday the anger of EMA students will spill into violence again and again. They are already subject to stop and search at any time. They are already living in fear of death in the communities that they live. They are not afraid of kettling police.. They will continue to fight. When your life opportunities have been limited already then why not get into a big old fight.

I could go on. But media: ignore the actual EMA cuts that have already happened at your peril.

Snow Day Space

2010-12-02T15:10:00.001Z

AV: My twopennethworth..

2010-11-26T16:43:00.002Z

Given that I will be so caught up in Royal Wedding joy (sense the irony) nearer the event, I thought I would chuck in my thoughts on AV now..

I'm anti.

It seems to me that AV gives an excuse to not reform constituency boundaries which is something which the country needs. It still bases an entire system on constituency MP's, which whilst honourable is actually somehow unworkable.. (its very difficult to be a good constituency MP if you have Government duties: not impossible.. my MP does it but its hard).

However my fundamental objection to AV is that its a validation of the notion that we should the least repulsive. Ultimately in AV the middle wins. It becomes safe and dull.. In any kind of tight race it will be the the person who gets most second choices who will win.

And that is a triumph of mediocrity.

I don't think it bodes well.. I could refer to the era when the Church of England was run by the second choices, second sons who were safe and all that.. We still bear the consequences. SO lets not do that with politics.

Good morning world..

2010-11-16T07:13:00.002Z

Its 7.15am, and I'm in the midst of my most productive time of the day. 6.45- 7.30 seems to be my administrative high point just now. I'm wondering what it says about me and life. There's something about working in the dark. There is something about working when no-one else is up. There is something about the space and peace and knowing that very few people will be returning emails at this time of day.

And somehow there is a small and sacred space for me where I hear God's whispers more clearly. Perhaps thats the product of all the other factors but there is a closeness in the work I do at this time of day..

The challenge is staying non tired enough to be able to be up this early..

Unofficial Redistribution..

2010-10-21T07:16:00.003+01:00

The cuts are upon us. As a church leader in an area where 86% of people receive benefits I feel a bit stuck. This community, which is I think 80%+ social housing, will have budgets cut around it. There may be a little bit more money for the school but only if it buys into the idea that poor people are not capable of looking after their children (extra nursery hours).. or that everyone wants the upper middle class work an family set up.

In my church I am aware that a quarter of my folk could face their benefits (incapacity) disappear even though they are not fit to work.

This will be tough.

But I'm not going to just moan and complain.. I'm hoping that we can do something about it.

Yes, I will follow the long tradition of Christian socialism and will campaign and be civilly disobedient if necessary.

But I will also subvert, and I will ask the church to be involved.

So people I am asking you to consider unofficial redistribution. Remembering this gospel is about the other, I ask you that if you have people who will still receive Winter fuel payments, that they might donate them so I can keep my after schools work going through the winter when we need to heat the space.

If you have people who beat the margins on child benefit, would they contribute it to help feed families, or help people to deal with debt and get job advice.

There are things we can do- but I believe it will require the church to get hold of its call to love people who aren't like us.. The ideal is surely that we have friends who we can share with, but in the absence of that, perhaps redistribution through church is a good alternative..

If you want to know more leave me a comment or email.

curveballs, cries and justice..

2010-10-12T07:36:00.003+01:00

Life just throws curveballs sometimes. I really could use life slowing down just for a few days- to get to a point of semi closure before some annual leave. But life is not like that. Its certainly not like it for the people I have the privilege of serving.

For those folk life throws curveballs. Tragic death; insane stories of ill health, money issues. Life might even start with some curveballs. Only 17% of children in the primary school here arrive having reached national average development levels.

I'm learning that being in this setting is a huge challenge. I want to fix, to make better.. and yet I often feel so overwhelmed that in my best moments I turn and fall into the arms of a merciful God. More and more I am aware that if I have any priestly representative function here it is, on behalf of the church, to hold this place before God.

Before this God who the gospel tells me hears our cries for justice and acts. This week's readings are about the persistent widow. She cries out for justice for her cause. Oh that we as a community here cry out for justice.

This morning as I contemplate another curveball for this community, my prayer is that God will bring justice for the cause of a family faced with the loss of a child, for the family facing long term illness, for the school being massively clobbered by tragedy and cuts.

And I pray that you might join me in crying for justice.. and that as we cry together for justice that somehow we might live justice wherever we are.

DM stay or go?

2010-09-29T08:05:00.002+01:00

The news shows just love a family story- and so the entire tone of the leadership race for the Labour Party has been read through the lens of the Brothers Miliband as if it were some Willy Russell play (with bad electric drums)..

The problem with this approach is that it misses the point.

My take, ill informed I suspect.. is that Ed Miliband is a good choice. We don't need a celebrity just now. This is the beginning of a new government which is instigating such radical measures that by the next election we will all be voting on a whole new scale of decisions. For that you don't need a known face.. Ed Miliband has a couple of years to get his face around.

As for whether DM stays or goes.. well there is a case to say if he throws his toys from the pram at not winning then he was going to be an awful party leader. There is also a case to say that there is some honour in getting out of Ed's way and stopping this all being about two brothers..

Final big run...

2010-09-04T12:17:00.004+01:00

Well here it is, the map of my last big run before the race itself. I was low today and had really heavy legs form about mile 6, BUT, I made the twelve miles I wanted to and walked back another half to the car.. so aside from some speed work.. I am ready!! Bring it on!
iMapMyRun: 4 Sep 2010 11:38
Find more Others in Leeds,

So this is what Sunday looks like..

2010-08-29T12:37:00.002+01:00

There are a lot of occupational hazards when you are a vicar type. Not least of these is losing any sense of what a Sunday is like for normal people, including Christians. Lets face it there aren't huge numbers of folk who HAVE to be up every Sunday at silly o'clock.

So this morning I have had a morning off. Its past midday, and I'm still in my pyjamas. I'm enjoying sitting listening to the end of the cricket. I'm really enjoying sitting at my dining table, which I'm beginning to use a bit more. I have the remnant of the Saturday paper to devour and I'm looking forward to a nice tasty lunch.

I might head out later, you never know..

Sundays off are rare but kind of beautiful. They really can be Sabbath!

A proper busy day..

2010-08-26T06:55:00.002+01:00

In this job you can have days where life moves slowly and you smile and say 'what a great job'! In this job you can have days where life is hugely difficult and you squirm and say 'what a privileged job'. And you can have days like yesterday which are just plain .. well, they are like this:

Awake to a text about a service later in the day
Breakfast, shower, dress, work out a key strategy for the day as trousers have no pockets.
Make lists of things which need to happen in next few days
Break out in cold sweat
Head to church, set up for Eucharist
Talk to people at the end of an all night vigil, set up for another service
Head to place of first service and preside at Eucharist
Have tea!
Phone fellow priest to ask to borrow something
Go to fellow priests church to pick up thurible and thurible stand
Return to own church to get ready for large funeral
Receive mourners
Receive family
Talk to thurifer abouyt censing things!
Get looked at funny for being a woman priest.
Deacon at a very moving funeral service for a friend from the parish.
Jump in a car with two other white clad clergy and head to the committal.
Head back for the wake.
Grab a spot of lunch at said..
Head home
Eat yoghurt
Head out to university library to get books for study
Get all bar one book for study
Head to buy printer paper and well earned cup of tea and sit down.
Home
Make bolognese
Eat bolognese
Plan weddings for Friday and Saturday
Print wedding plans
Forget to pick up wedding plans as walk out door
Get to church
Move labels on funeral flowers
Remember that I have forgotten wedding plans
Ask housemate to email wedding plans to phone.
Wedding rehearse couple one.
Wedding rehearse couple two.
Head home.

I just needed to express that... feel much better now! Off to the gym for the first time since being poorly!

You know you've been poorly when...

2010-08-21T13:14:00.002+01:00

I have been very vocally poorly this week: mainly because I got food poisoning and diseases of the tummy are not my forte. Combined with a raging fever and being home alone its made for lots of social network whingeing.

However, there are things that I have noted.. you know you've been ill when:
You have more than a vague idea of whats happening in Hollyoaks
You care how much money they make in Cash In The Attic
Every room in the house has a half drunk glass of water in it
Everything you have worn in the last week does up with a drawstring
You haven't drunk coffee all week (I know crazy)..
You have slept as much in the day as at night

Talking of which.. I think a little nap is in order!

Though I walk through the wilderness..

2010-07-26T07:23:00.002+01:00

*plot spoiler* this post is likely to ramble!

In the world that may be strange to many readers but is actually fairly indicative of my job context, I taught my little congregation the song 'Blessed Be Your Name' yesterday.

One of the joys of leading a small church is that you know where everyone is at- and so as we sang the words together there was a real resonance. People who have lost children, husbands, partners. People who daily struggle to keep going, as they stumble through wilderness wondering if they will ever feel alive again.

And in the midst, someone who cannot read- someone whose medication timetable just now means they missed my little bit of sharing on the Lord's prayer (they were snoozing by that point).. but someone who is joyful. Why?

Well her boyfriend died two years ago.. self immolated. As a homeless man he was given a pauper's funeral (they are not solely the stuff of Dickens) and was interred in a cemetry on the other side of Leeds. And my friend couldn't find the grave.

Just before Easter she brought red roses to church- and through tears she explained that she wanted to take the flowers to his grave, but she couldn't find it.. "I don't know where they have put him".

Last week I found his grave. We are going to buy flowers and then we will go and lay them on his grave.

And so yesterday, the sun was shining down on some- there was joy. There was a sense that we do get through wildernesses, even into patches of oasis for those whose life has been hard.

And as for me- well I stand at the edge of a wilderness this morning. Except I don't know which way it starts or stops. I wonder if I have been living in wilderness for a year and am invited into a verdant green pasture, or whether I am being cast from a sanctuary city into the wilderness again.

But somehow I trust- Blessed be your name.

Heading for the study..

2010-07-24T22:07:00.002+01:00

After what I can only describe as one of the more confusing weeks of my life- I am about to embark on a week of study. Many moons ago (so it seems) I signed up for a Masters in Theology and Pastoral Studies. I have done virtually no work on it and so this is my very typical way of trying to catch up.

The problem is that I'm not wholly sure I can remember quite how to study.

Like- where shall I begin? I have two 3000 words pieces to write, about methods stuff. I hate methods stuff.. its all the meticulous stuff which I don't particularly care about. So I guess I will spend the first bit of Monday trying to work out what the heck I am supposed to be doing!

But I am hoping that an immersed week of it should sort me out and at least give me an idea of whether I want to carry on or not.

I will keep you posted!

Synod- a distraction from running

2010-07-10T16:39:00.002+01:00

As I type I have half an eye on the tweets coming through from Synod. I guess its a bit like civil servants listening to the budget; these conversations have job implications for me. Thats not me trying to suggest I should be a Bishop but the amendments and so on will affect which bits of the UK's inner cities will accept women priests.

I have also been interested in the media picking up on Jeffrey John allegedly not getting Bishop of Southwark. Thank you people in charge for putting that appointment on hold. Please media don't try an link his appointment to the debate over women Bishops.

There is a certain naivety about putting the two issues together. It was played out in Rev. this week (perhaps accurately) and really pains me. The issues are different- the foundational issues are different... please can we allow ourselves to sort out one thing at a time.

On Being a Priest

2010-07-09T08:12:00.002+01:00

The last week or so has been a slightly different one. Four days of silent retreat- one evening where in a strange almost wedding like affair, I was centre of attention. The realisation that I have settled over a year and that there are some things beginning to happen.

And then presiding at my first communion; with another on Sunday, and one the Sunday after. Its a real privilege in many ways..

Anyway- for now a picture..

Quick run update...

2010-06-24T16:43:00.001+01:00

Hoping very much this works: I just did this.. it took ages cos its hilly and hot but I had fun!!

iMapMyRun: 24 Jun 2010 16:16
Find more Runs in Leeds,

One Month In... where are we?

2010-06-10T08:01:00.003+01:00

The new coalition Government has been in post for about a month- and the early signs (in my biased opinion) are not good.

We have- anonymity for rape defendants, English tests for migrants (both of which may be construed as anti-women).

It looks like university fees will go up, whilst apprenticeship schemes have already been cut. Thats not good for young people looking to get into meaningful work.

Free school meal pilots are being cut in Bradford and other cities; cost- £80-£125million, whilst the £130 million dragged back in non-dom taxes is deemed "insignificant" (I think thats over 6 months?). I guess we can expect that loop hole to reappear.

Apparently I might also be incentivised to recycle- or I might be had a Tory Council bothered to think about recycling solutions in a poor community (where we just have bin bags.. ).

But- its OK- because a memo has gone out urging the provinces to allow said poor people to fly their flags during the World Cup. Its lucky that the World Cup falls so early for this administration- give us six months and the pacifying patronising will not wash.

Lets pray that the new Labour leader whoever they may be, will shift the progressive movement to really speak for those being crushed by the insensitivities of this Government.

Stones Rolled Away*

2010-04-05T11:33:00.002+01:00

* joke originally cracked by the very witty MJ Knight.

This post is mainly because a few people have asked how I have done the weight losing thing. I'm not sure this is wholly comprehensive but its a few thoughts.

Three stone in 20 weeks! Thats about 2.1 pounds a week, around about a kilo. It sounds dramatic but the weight loss has been pretty steady. Its mainly been achieved by upping my metabolic rate, so that I am burning calories more quickly and more consistently.

Thats been achieved by:
1 Eating within half an hour of waking up each morning. So eating a small breakfast before getting in the shower.
2 Eating little and often, so more like five or six small meals than two or three big ones. Supplementing that with fruit or veg snacks so that I eat about every two to three hours.
3 Exercise. Only really three sessions a week of about an hour each.

I think that accounts for some of the weight loss but there have also been diet changes.
1 I cut out sugar in all hot drinks
2 No biscuits at meetings (important in this job)
3 Wherever possible having a wholewheat option rather than a white carbs option.
4 Eating fewer carbohydrates as the day goes on (so having none in an evening meal if its after 6pm).
5 Lots of chicken and fish.
6 Losing the sauce, less mayo, ketchup, butter (but have butter not rubbish marg)

And in terms of shaping: well thats where the exercise has really kicked in. Top tips:
1 20 minutes of cardio vascular work is apparently a good fat burner.
2 eat lots of protein to help with muscle soreness
3 kettlebells are horrible but work every muscle (including the ones you never knew you had)
4 I have had the blessing of a trainer- costly but so very worth it. Failing that have someone who encourages you through the pain barriers..

I think thats about it!

Three Stone Down.. Easter Reflections..

2010-04-05T11:21:00.003+01:00

Man its been a week. 17 services- I think somewhere in the region of 15 homilies. Easter in an Anglo- Catholic setting is really something else! I have genuinely journeyed through Holy Week at a whole other level- and have emerged on the other side with a sense of newness but also of exhaustion.

I have also emerged three stone lighter than I was in the middle of November. Lots of people have asked how I have done it and that is the stuff of another post- but suffice to say it is done and I am happy!

Last week was manic. It was busy in a wholly different way. Its left me with so much to think about how I would do things next year/ in my own church/ ever. But I want to hone in on maybe one aspect.

On Monday of last week I rushed into church for a Eucharist that I was preaching at. I had come straight from school and my purse was in my bag. Which I left in the vestry and in the rush did not lock. A guy was hanging around at the back of church- and even walked halfway up the aisle as I preached. At the end of the service my purse was gone and someone had tried to get £200 of cash using one of my cards.

Aside from the faff and the thinking, why am I doing silly services at the front when at the back someone is struggling.. the whole thing just gets weirder. This same guy turned up at a further three or four services through the week. He was challenged by my boss, and denied it- and then was still hanging around.

Yesterday as I was preaching (on forgiveness/ grace/ new starts) I saw him disappear into the back of church again (this time followed by a church warden). More money has gone missing.. but what is going on? I feel so challenged to ask the Jesus question- what do you want me to do for you?

My prayer is twofold.. trivially I would like my drivers licence and student card back please! More significantly I pray that this guy will know God's grace and love. That somehow in all the faff and non contact he would have had a sense of the risen Jesus calling him by name. And I guess I also pray that God will continue to challenge me and speak to me about what He is up to in all this.

Have I made it?

2010-04-02T08:16:00.002+01:00

The answer is.. not yet. All the component parts are there. I have kept the diet, I have exercised. But the scales have not yet declared it. I have been a pound off. I have been a pound and a half off.

Its interesting journeying through Holy Week this week. As I write I have just completed my Easter Sunday sermon. I know that Sunday is coming. But Friday is here. The die has been cast, the decisions made. We just wait and watch as the agony of Good Friday piles on. Will we make it through? Must the dream die before resurrection can come?

My thoughts are fuddled because I am in danger of making too much of this weight loss thing. But it genuinely has been the place where God has spoken to me in the last four months. Sunday is coming. I hope I can declare that it has happened. But if not I know that I live somehow in the hope and reality of something bigger than my trivial pursuits.

p.s. Will post some of my Holy Week sermons here..

On lighter matters...

2010-03-28T08:35:00.002+01:00

Seven days, one and a half pounds to go. I will blog more fully when I have hit the goal.... or before if it gets silly!

Are Christians Persecuted in the UK?

2010-03-28T08:21:00.002+01:00

A number of 'senior' Bishops (one retired and a couple of others) it seems have written to the Daily Telegraph to suggest that Christians in the UK are persecuted. There will be some who nod furiously and agree whilst others have already said: I'm doing fine thanks!'

This issue comes up again and again. And its early on a Sunday- and I haven't had caffeine- but this is what I think I might think.

I'm not sure persecution is the right word, but I do think Christians are treated differently. And if I am honest I think the very system that has spawned Bishops is partly to blame. That system evokes the notion that somehow Britain is a Christian nation: and so the cultural expression of our faith is all muddled in. Thats not the case yet with other faiths- and so the outward culturo- religious signs of faith in Sikhism and Islam etc are more understood. In Christianity's case- if that is your cultural background and you have junked it- then why assume others haven't.

There is also the very present reality that Christian faith doesn't have many outward signs other than 'fruit of the spirit'- against which you cannot legislate.

I've sat in sessions (on race equality) where it has been deemed acceptable to sweepingly say that all churches are empty and that Christianity is dead (20 new BME led churches in South Leeds just now!). Christians ARE treated differently. But part of our problem is that we want to be treated preferentially. We assume everyone understands and that we are somehow part of the fabric of the nation. On many levels we no longer are and need to grasp hold of that.

At the start of Holy Week we face the same choices as the crowd on Palm Sunday. Who will we be: the people who will follow Jesus when it is popular and not dangerous- the ones waiting for a King who will rule the nation. Or are we the Pharisees: trying to get Jesus to quieten his followers so we don't get in bother with the Roman rulers? We get to preserve our privileges but truth is crushed. Or will we follow Jesus- through the controversy and agony of Holy Week to understand our God who suffered and died ingloriously that His glory may be revealed.

Back on Track..?

2010-03-19T07:45:00.004Z

Its a beautiful sunny Friday morning. I have to work in about an hour but thats OK. I'm shattered. I think I have gotten really tired, just through not having lie ins and rest. And so I took my foot of the relentless pedal that I had imposed in my life. I think I had gotten hugely focused on getting to my goal weight, and so when the new scales wouldn't play I got really disheartened. I wasn't sure what else I could do, and old conditions were flaring up. Exercise would have been silly and good mineral rich food was needed.

So what I have done is relax!

I hope I have given my body a bit of time and grace for rest. I've lightened up the training and have stopped stressing.. And the weight has dropped again (I think it always was but I had lost sight of it). I have 1lb to a landmark weight and 5lbs to my goal. Its still possible by Easter but I am trying to not focus on that.

Dealing with disappointment

2010-03-09T22:05:00.002Z

For the last few weeks the bathroom scales have been being a bit dicey. One moment has been seven pounds heavier than the next. So, rightly, a new set of scales were bought. And they tell some nasty and uncomfortable truth.

I may not have lost two and a half stone yet. I might have done by the morning: but today I haven't.

I am gutted. I know its a bit pathetic- but its made me wonder if I can do this. I have been training and keeping most of the good eating.. but its all slowed. Its hard to even articulate what this has done to my head. BUT on the good front I haven't eaten chocolate to get over it.. nor have I starved myself.

Tomorrow I go back to my trainer and we work more on getting some weight off. I still have Easter as my target.. maybe more humbly than previously..

Two and a Half...

2010-02-27T08:20:00.002Z

So I have dropped two and a half stone. Two dress sizes.

Theres a way to go still with some of this stuff but if I'm honest I am pretty chuffed with where this is all going. I feel better, my allergies are subsiding, I can exercise without pain for the first time in years..

But there are some weirdnesses. People look at you differently. Like quite seriously differently. I find that to be a bit strange. Not necessarily bad, but strange nonetheless.

Watch this space for how this might all pan out. Two pounds to the next big goal then just five more for the three stone target!

In praise of the death tax..

2010-02-19T08:10:00.003Z

I admit I haven't done a whole heap of reading around this: and I know that what I say will not be popular. BUT. We need to acknowledge that society has shifted- way back, elderly people were cared for by their families. Now we don't do that in the main (though some cultural groups do). I find it strange that we don't want to give our time to look after our forebears but neither are we prepared to let it come out of our 'inheritance'- as if we have earned that somehow..

Care costs. There is nothing we can do about it. But can we please let go of the idea that you can have it all?

Two stone: and other obsessions..

2010-02-11T16:07:00.003Z

Well, I made it to the two stone weight loss marker!

It still doesn't quite feel real, but it must be because i just bought an item of clothing in size medium and it fits! The main things in my head are:
I still have a long way to go.. and I have to really concentrate to stay focused on the three stone first target. I find myself getting carried away and thinking about another stone and a half after that but need to not go there.

28lb is a lot.. I just bought a kettlebell that weights 7.5kg and carrying that back to teh car was tricky enough so how did I do with carrying nearly double that around on my body?

So- new targets. 11/2 lbs to a 30 lb loss. Then its 7lbs to a new milestone weight. Then three more pounds to goal one.. The plan is to be there for Easter!

It gets harder from here!

A brief Catch Up...

2010-02-05T09:53:00.002Z

Back to writing about me: which draws less flak!

I have had a little break over the last few days. On Friday I drove to Bristol to hang out with the very lovely Ducker family. It was really good to catch up with folk- and to hear some stories of intentional community in places where I have been!

Saturday was graduation day! A tad pompous but again lovely to see some folk and catch up with friends from Trinity. Spent the afternoon in the pub. Saturday was also my birthday- and for the first time in ages it was preceded by a pretty trauma free January! Happy days indeed.

Then it was down to Devon. Three days of chilled out dog walking, hair cutting, jeans buying and novel reading. In hindsight three days is not quite long enough to really wind down: mental note to self about how I do holidays!

Wednesday- good meeting to talk about pioneering back in Bristol, then the four hour drive to get back for a meeting. Which was cancelled due to snow! (tad annoying but there we go).

And so I am back. As I write I feel a bit daunted by the task ahead. There are some things which I need to change- I feel like I am scratching around for my own spirituality here.. I feel like I need to rediscover it in a bit more fulness before the next phase of stuff! Thats what I am praying for.

And now to the news we've all been waiting for... well despite beer and other bad eating I appear to have dropped another few pounds. Three pounds to the next BIG target! I'm hoping to get there before Lent starts... (well actually I am hoping to get there before the end of the weekend but I doubt that will happen!)..

More soon!!!

A Broadside: plot spoiler for Tory sympathisers

2010-01-27T19:58:00.002Z

Today some alarming social equality data was released. It said what we all know: if you are poor, you have less opportunities in life. For every £100 a month less income than the median you start school one month behind developmentally. Your vocabulary aged 5 is half what it is for a rich kid if you are in the bottom ten percent of income.

Housing tenure stats are even worse.

"Only 4 per cent of those of working age living in social housing have degrees, and nearly half have no or only low qualifications. Only half of men and 42 per cent of women of working age living in social housing are in paid work, compared with 89 per cent of men and 81 per cent of women in households with a mortgage."

Social housing: by its nature, is grouped (london people ignore this, you are the freaks not the norm). That means that we have allowed ghettoes of poverty and low attainment (not just in a SATS way either).

Now it would be easy, and some daft Tory has already done it, to pin this on Labour. BUT. The seeds of this are in two places: first the mid 1960s decision by Harold MacMillian, that said that council housing was not a suitable means of permanent generational living. We should all aspire to home ownership. At that point build quality declined and a two tier living scenario was created.

Now add Thatcher's pseudo aristocratic idea that we should allow people to buy their own home from the council: and you get a clear hierarchy. Top of pile= people who never lived in council housing, bottom of pile= people who have to live in council housing. Result= ghetto.

What we are living in now is the generational consequence. Working aspirational people have been removed from these communities, leaving them labelled as places to get out of.

There are some exceptions to this I accept, but thats the pattern.

More equal societies place less value on home ownership. Fact.

If people vote Tory this year, its a vote for consigning another generation to this miserable system. Reduction in inheritance tax (a Biblically condoned tax, ney a way of life), will reinforce the divide. The rich will get richer: The promise to deal with 'causes' will I suspect gut all child poverty programmes. I suspect milk will even go again.

Please don't do it.

The halfway mark!

2010-01-23T18:07:00.002Z

Well I made it! I am half way to my weight loss goal.

On Thursday I stepped with trepidation onto the scales and there it was. It had taken the whole week (it felt like the whole week) to get there, but a stone and a half has gone. That, it turns out, is a jeans size!

Am I feeling healthier? Sort of: I'm pretty tired and so need a break that its hard to tell right now. But I move better and feel stronger: and I'm starting to plan my next big challenge...

In weight loss terms its 6 pounds to the next milestone. Then another pound until I am two stone in!

And its at that stage (during Lent) that it gets serious for the last push.

The other challenge: the Dales Way, 70 miles in four days (though could I do it in three?).. am thinking just after Easter!

Bring it on!

An Alarming Statistic

2010-01-14T15:01:00.002Z

The community that I live in has 86% of its adults of working age on some kind of worklessness benefit. Thats mental!

Success...

2010-01-12T21:27:00.002Z

First goal achieved. My BMI has dropped below a magic number placing me precariously into the overweight category. Which is hardly an achievement to be proud of- but it kind of is..

At the gym today I was training with a kettlebell that weighed pretty much what I had just lost- wow! It feels like quite a lot when its in a metal ball as opposed to on my body!

Anyway I am going to stop going on about this- I'm not trying to gloat about weight loss, I think mainly I want to go on the journey openly so I can't start scoffing cream cakes on the quiet. So, lovely readers I will keep chuntering on about training and stuff.

Next goal- the half way point. Three pounds to go!

All Slowing Down...

2010-01-09T16:08:00.002Z

I'm going to blame the snow: its probably not all its fault but it is a convenient scapegoat and given that it will be blamed for poor exam results, a slower economic recovery and a poor England World Cup performance, I think it can cope with my woes too.

I think basically I have slowed down: everything seems to have- I have so little motivation right now. I can't even make myself feel creative, tis most strange. Weight loss has kind of ground to a halt. Thats just plain disappointing though may be the Christmas not so much dieting coming back to haunt.

And I'm a bit sick- just a cold I think, but made working out yesterday feel really tough..

But on the plus side I did work out- I boxed (and oh my can I feel that today!), and did some proper caveman type exercises with logs and stuff.. hopefully will reap some results!

If you are a pray-er though, do pray that I get some motivation back.. cos its tough just now..

Diet and Fitness: the update

2010-01-04T19:41:00.002Z

Well, I have been doing this diet thing for maybe seven or eight weeks now. And there are some results: I have lost about 15lbs, and feel decided fitter already.

Exercise took a blow over Christmas- and isn't helped by ice everywhere- but we fight on, and I might even invest in some more personal training sessions!

I am a third of the way there- which is the first milestone made- I wanted to lose a stone by Christmas and have made it. The next targets are:
to no longer be obese on the BMI- maybe one or two pounds away
to get to the half way mark- six pounds away
to make the two thirds marker by Ash Wednesday
to break a magic pounds marker (as yet to be disclosed but a wee way to go)

Its going to get harder from here on in. I think stone two will go via exercise- stone three will take a more radical diet I think.. all the low fat that I can manage!

But I am very up for the challenge...

Christians: they are the ones who forgive..

2009-12-23T22:17:00.003Z

This Christmas I have seen three families talking about forgiveness on the basis of their faith. I think (I can't wholly remember the third family) that all three had lost a child to criminal activity. Losing a child somehow defies how things are supposed to be- it rebels against the natural order of things.. And yet all these people are talking about forgiveness.

In the third (or maybe 4th) century Christians were the only ones who stayed around to care for plague victims. I wonder if in the 21st century blame pandemic, that Christians might be the only ones who offer forgiveness. I'd like to be known like that.

Thoughts on theft..

2009-12-22T19:09:00.002Z

So, one of my esteemed colleagues has gotten into bother for 'encouraging' shoplifting. I probably don't want to say too much about it- other than the context of the sermon is important.

There is something about theft and relationship which I want to articulate (I may fail). If one shoplifts there is very little relational damage. When someone steals from their parents or children, some part of the social fabric is ripped. Relationship has somehow been dishonoured.

Being burgled last week fits in the middle. My predecessor was quick to point out this morning that he was never burgled because: 'I pretty quickly got to know all the rogues'. Aside from the implied 'you are shit at the job'- it raises a relational question. Was the theft from my house a relational act?

I was very publically out and about that afternoon- at a kids party then a school play. Anyone who knows where I live would know the house was empty. So was it relational? And is it a good sign or a bad one that they chose me? Is it a failure of not getting the 'rogues' to respect me but not to respect anyone else? And is it personal- we don't like her- so we'll do her house. It doesn't feel that way, there was a strange kindness in it- no excessive damage or stuff.

Or was it opportunist? Just a dark empty house that was worth trying.

Either way there is relationship that has been damaged. Its very likely that the thieves are local- it affects how I feel about the community (perhaps best shown in snapping at some snowball throwing kids on Friday). Its that relational damage which I think is at the heart of God's prohibition on theft.

In that sense I am probably with my colleague.

Thats all quite rambling: may add edits later.

Winding down .. ooh no.. winding up for Christmas.

2009-12-22T19:00:00.002Z

I confess. A bit of me still thinks that I am a student or a teacher or something. It is the week before Christmas and my body just wants to stop. Admittedly it hasn't been helped by the burglary- I think that has raised profound thought that I might blog about later.

But it is Christmas week and I must wind myself up into action. There are crib services and Midnight Communions and Christmas Day.. There are perhaps some unprecedented opportunities. I just hope that my overriding feeling of being the athlete who was great in the European Cup but may not make teh Olympic semis will pass.

This is getting dangerous!

2009-12-08T19:23:00.002Z

I woke up at 6.05 this morning: and having done one of those weird deals with God I hauled me out of bed and got breakfast one! And then I went and put on my gym stuff (Which looks better each time I put it on!) And then I got in the car and at 6.40am I was in the gym!

I have a number of observations:
1- everyone looks less glam at that time in the morning: in fact I observe that you are safe from the ultra thin ultra tanned until 7.45am!
2- this is reassuring and invites you to try harder and try new things.
3- there is more space
4- surprisingly I have more energy than I thought I would.

So: I did my interval cross training, then my upper body work, then my 2000m row.. which I knocked 17 seconds off! Its not great (9:56:7) but its under 10 minutes and gives me something to work on..

Training session three tomorrow so we will see how we go!

Training session 2

2009-11-30T19:19:00.002Z

Well dear reader, I wouldn't want you to think that I hadn't trained since last time- I have been dutifully pushing squatting and other things that when written down seem strangely toilet related!

In ten days I have eaten only one cheaty food thing (a planned cream cake) and I am pleased to say that I have lost five pounds. Its a slowish start but should get quicker from here on in.

I now have my personalised training programme too.. Its a good combination of cross training and rowing, of weights and lunges! It should all have me a bit more toned and shaped by Christmas! (Honest Guv!)

The only 'problem' is that my arms are now very tired and gimpy! But I am excitededed!

Training session 1

2009-11-21T18:13:00.003Z

So I had my first training session with the personal trainer yesterday: and all things considered, pretty good...

We started with a fitness test: a 3000 metre row. It took me just over 15 minutes. Not bad considering: though blatantly want to be able to do it first in 15 minutes flat and then eventually in under twelve.

Then it was squats, lunges and some weights. My body was proper feeling it by the end of the day but was all good.

More bizarre was the lovely scales in the gym clocking me as having lost 13lb (if only).. But the wii has me having lost 2lb plus a little bit more this morning.

I am beginning to feel the lack of caffeine and carbs today though.. but we fight on.

Today's exercise was cleaning- an hour of it! All good..

'Diet' Day 1...

2009-11-18T22:07:00.002Z

This 'dieting' business (which is actually about eating fewer calories not some weird only eat food beginning with z thing.. are there any foods that begin with z?) is quite hard with this job..

I must self congratulate first.. I have had no sugar in coffee and have had no biscuits cake or crisps.. or chocolate.

BUT- on a visit I was made homemade Italian sauce from a homemade lovely Italian lady.. with an ENORMOUS plate of pasta (white carbs bad..)

and- having not quite made it to a meeting, David and I went to the local and the locals MADE us (really) drink beer.. It was very lovely- but not quite the calories cutting.

So.. not bad.. but need to plan things somehow..

This time I mean it..

2009-11-17T20:23:00.002Z

Anyone one who has known me for a while will know that at times I can talk big and act small. This is often the case in terms of setting out on a new project- and fitness and weight loss has been a favourite non starter in all of this.

But maybe, just maybe this time I mean it.

The fact is that I am heavier than I have ever been, I can hear my heart pumping away to keep me going (I suspect my BP is sky high), my asthma is getting worse and people just keep feeding me biscuits.

So: here I am, saying it publically. I want to lose something like 3 stone by Easter- thats 42 lbs and a lot of kilos.. I'm a bit too shy to reveal my starting weight.. But there are a couple of people I will be honest with so I can check how its going.

To that end- I am going to meet with a personal trainer 6 times at the gym to get me going- plus more exercise generally.
I am cutting down on food: mainly carbs, but all food. All teh snacks are going out of the house.
And caffeine will eventually go.

This probably sounds a bit daft but I would really value your prayers. This is a big deal for me. I have probably always shied away from publically talking about the whole thing- so maybe this is the breakthrough step.

So I will try to keep you posted.

I am a hypocrite

2009-11-08T21:33:00.002Z

This weekend: I have applauded the win of an underdog, and yet decried the win of another..

I have empathised with peace and reconciliation, and yet sought conflict.

I have talked of and asked for grace and mercy and yet when I see grace in action I call it a travesty!

And I have watched a documentary about massive injustice (Israel and Palenstine) and then gotten more involved in the injustice of X factor..

I am a hypocrite.

Context is everything: thoughts on war memorials, urine and war.

2009-11-04T16:25:00.003Z

When I was a student, I was in my neighbour's rooms: there was noise outside and as I glanced out of the window there was a couple, having sex on the war memorial outside the room.

Today, as I type a student is under threat of jail for urinating on a war memorial.

Two things have changed in the interim 15 years. The first is that instant photos get everywhere. In 1994 there were no digital cameras to fire images around the world at rapid pace. This lad has been charged with outraging public decency, presumably of the people who saw the photo more than the myriad other drunken students.

The second change is that in 1994 we were in an era of comparative peace. We had 'won' the Cold War and we were not yet in the new world of the War on Terror. War memorials were important- but you may struggle to find people calling them 'sacred'.

My point is this. I agree that this lad did something very wrong. Urinating in the street is one of the increasingly seen and always unacceptable parts of UK booze culture. However, laws are written and should be enacted in part to preserve people from the swings and sways of public opinion. This has caused outrage because we are at war- we are losing large numbers of troops- more than since the 1950's. The context has changed our view of this act, I question whether the legal system should follow.

Changes afoot!

2009-11-03T17:26:00.002Z

I think I am going to make the blog look a little different. I want to make it a bit more functional so you can get to see all the things you need to see here. For those of you who know me well: there is another blog where I can share a wee bit more about what is going on here. If you want an invite then you will need to email me.

So: watch this space for the changes to take effect.

the Role of the Muse...

2009-10-22T23:31:00.002+01:00

I'm watching Question Time.. I think I stand by most of what I said before seeing it. I have been so impressed by Bonnie Greer- the artist, the muse.. the creative take on this.. subverting.. Its beautiful.. more Jesuslike than the "Christian" pretensions of Mr Griffin..

Great communicator..

Marvellous..

Nick Griffin and all that..

2009-10-22T22:16:00.002+01:00

" If Nick Griffin's appearance on Question Time has the ultimate effect of shaking the 'great' british public free of their political apathy and encourages them to ask probing questions, then his appearance will be a good thing "

Thats a quote off the BBC's comment board tonight. I am inclined to agree. The BNP polls at 6%. That may be a protest vote against the mainstream parties, I would suggest that it is a very real sense of disconnection among people who are scared. I wonder if they feel listened to at all. The views of the BNP are deplorable: but their headlines connect more with people than many would like to think.

And that is where I feel the Question Time thing hasn't worked. For a start, most people who are being wooed by the BNP don't watch Question Time. Second, all the questions were (as far as I can tell and I confess I haven't seen the whole lot) about his views on race.

If they had taken the time to ask about economic policy, about banking laws, about foreign policy etc there would be some gaping holes in the BNP plan.. try education, health, university fees.. don't dignify it by making it the centre. Nick Griffin is the leader of a political party. So ask him the questions that you would ask other political parties. Make him put race in a context and it can't stand up.

Those of us of a political bent have to wise up. We have to mobilise the vote, to drown out the voice, we have to get active. We have to engage the apathetic and somehow paint a picture of a better day where what we vote matters, where we can make a difference. In that sense, I'm with teh guy I quoted at the top.

As for protesters: I have never suffered racist taunts or threats. I have not yet been at the sharp end of the BNP, I don't understand how hard this is for some people. But I do know that ultimately the use of violence negates the protest. The non violent way is all we got, to be kinder and wiser and more dignified than those we seek to change.

Things I want to blog about..

2009-10-20T20:34:00.002+01:00

I want to blog about

The politicisation of the military: how its going to get worse before the election and how when its happened in the past its not been good for anyone.

About the debate about the Catholic church where an Archbishop got whopped. I want to comment that if you want to debate about the church being a force for good then you shouldn't invited people from the top of the institution. Institution is rarely a force for good but people who, in spite of that, are faithful and follow the example of Christ probably are.

About how life feels like its changed and I feel like I am uncontrollably losing touch with people: and how I don't quite know how to get that back and whether its my fault or I should expect more grace from friends.

About how I am preferring X Factor to Strictly this year.

About how I really want to recruit a team to this place: about how I feel God is up to something.

I would so love to say more but I have to do reading for my MA course which starts on Saturday (I am a dufus for doing it but hey!).

Must blog more...

2009-10-03T22:24:00.003+01:00

So much going on just now.. I am not finding the space to reflect and write very well at the moment: But I spent a couple of hours out on the very windy Dales today: photos below (or possibly above depending on what the formatting does!)

Grabbing The Third Rail...

2009-09-18T21:12:00.003+01:00

Right, I'm going to wade in. Accordingly to Jed* social security is the third rail of US politics- well I might have to disagree, because healthcare is doing a darned good job.

As a follower of facebook I am kind of intrigued that people I know from the US are incredibly angry about the proposed healthcare reforms. The vitriol is pretty huge. This week Jimmy Carter named it as racism: I think he is a bit out of touch (see also comments about women a couple months ago.. he is talking like its fifteen years ago). There may be an element of race, but what I see is the rearing of a somewhat McCarthian head.

Something that I have never understood about right wing US politics is the fear of 'Big Government', I know that people can argue that its a Union of States but it is a nation and deals as one. To my mind the debate over healthcare is along these lines, but is being twisted by that word 'social'.

I think deep in the subconscious there remains a McCarthyite fear of anything that might possibly be at all like communism. There follows a thought that anything social must mean totalitarianism!

Add to that a few well placed ads and you are away with this ludicrous unreasoned attack. Yes criticise. Yes count the cost. Yes disagree. But don't witch hunt.

Oh and of course medicine is big US business!

Staying on the Edge..

2009-09-13T14:00:00.002+01:00

Coming back from holiday is always a funny one. I think I always experience a bit of discontent, and this week has been no exception. I have come back to long run of meetings (I think I have on night off other than days off in the next three weeks). I'm not moaning about being busy, but I am beginning to get angsty about how much mission is getting missed because I am in those meetings.

Meetings drag me to the centre. They force compromise. They are generally about things that are already established. They often focus on problems and details and things which in my head are not important enough to worry about. They make me wonder if we can do anything. They are often an escape for when we have lost our courage: rather than just getting on with something, we have a meeting.

I feel myself tempted by the meetings culture: that under the guise of 'settling in' I will attend everything and never do anything.

I want to stay edgy. I want to stay missional. I want to stay focused on seeing the Kingdom come in this estate, and serving my congregations.

I know that it will be hard to stay out on that edge. I pray for grace to do it.

I hope it pans out. At the moment I just feel a bit careworn and grumpy.

Laws and sausages!

2009-09-09T19:29:00.003+01:00

are two things which according to Leo McGarry are two thigs you ndon't want people to see you make. Permission to add a third one?

My Avon lady (oh my.. I'm getting old) dropped me a bunch of samples. I normally stick with what I know, but she is keen so I said I would try some stuff. Unfortunately I have a nut/ seed allergy which means I have turned into one of those annoying people who reads labels meticulously.

So: where to start. Out of 20 samples I can only use 4 (this is no great loss just a mere starter). Of those that I can use one contains urea (eugh), others have bits of chemical that sound like they should be in the Half Blood Prince's store. Its all a bit grim..

Hmm... laws, sausages and cosmetics maybe Leo?!

Back From Holiday..

2009-09-06T14:00:00.003+01:00

I'm sat in my snug watching my new telly (thank you +John). Its 2pm and I am still in my pyjamas, enjoying the last 24 hours of holiday. Its been a good two weeks: I think I have clocked up a couple of thousand miles one way or another, driving to Bristol, flying to France, road tripping back and doing the ferry, a sneaky look at the college renovations, Devon, Luton and back to here.

I feel rested, refreshed and pleasantly surprised at how easy it has been to switch off.

But now, its time to gear up. I am excited about the next blast. This term is when I start to really do my stuff in the estate. I have a plan, written I hope prayerfully, and it starts its roll out now.

Phase one of the plan is allowing my heart to get broken by this place. Its about being soft and yet strong I think. I'll try and update as much as I can here.

An Unashamed Rant

2009-08-11T09:31:00.002+01:00

One of my better purchases of recent months has been a Roberts idream, all singing all dancing DAB ipod radio alarm thing.. For £35 it mean I can wake up to a selection of good music, a podcast or the radio (or a buzzer but thats just mean).

So this morning I had some music for a while, then flicked over to Radio 5 Live.
The discussion was about the naming of Baby 'P's' parents. The discussion went to the idea that they may be protected when released from prison. People were phoning in to say alll kinds of stuff: then a lady makes a comment about 'people on benefits who choose to have children'. Blue touch paper lit-

1- there is an assumption there that it is somehow better to abort than to try and bring up kids
2- there is an assumption that poor people are irresponsible
3- its really easy for people to slag off these folk now. What they did was very very wrong. It was very messed up and horrible. But critics: where were you when this was happening. Its easy to snipe away from your suburban homes where you mess your kids up with all kinds of other stuff. But until you are prepared to move in to the estates and get to know poor people and make friends with them and see what goes on and then maybe step in when you are worried about children you actually know: if you are not prepared to do that, you need to butt out!

I am fuming that we think that the actions of three very messed up people mean its OK to once again deride and judge a whole group of people.

Being a pioneer..

2009-08-10T20:54:00.002+01:00

.. I was chatting with someone today and they told a story about a group of nuns. They were given a piece of land in Egypt, upon which they were to build their convent. Like much of the country this piece of land was effectively desert. But the group of nuns, took up shovels and dug their way to the Nile. They insured that the land could be irrigated, the convent built.

She likened their story to that of the pioneer: that we pitch up on barren land to build a community of prayer and of hospitality and all that, but that it starts with a pioneer who will take up a shovel and dig through the desert until they get to the Nile.

Bring on the spade!

A Good Day Off..

2009-08-07T19:38:00.002+01:00

Days off in this job are somehow sacred. There is something about only officially having one day off a week that makes that day special. Sometimes I feel the pressure to do something 'special' with it. Not today: today I just enjoyed.

After a lie in I got up and had a good healthy breakfast. Headed to the gym: watched the blimp over Headingley, but by the time I got to the gym a wicket had gone, I then saw 4 more go before I left. (Maybe thats how we should measure exercise?)

Drove back and spent much of the afternoon starting what feels like a mammoth gardening clear up. The front looks a bit better now and tomorrow's job is to get the back ready for the three big jobs that mum and dad will help with next week. I am toying with the idea of having a bonfire, but really don't want to annoy the neighbours.

I also made twice baked potato. I have no idea what they will be like when unfrozen but they are getting rid of some of the many spuds I have just now.

And now I am slumped in front of the telly. A good day!